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Passions in Poetry

As You Lay In My Arms

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Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 06-03-2009 03:56 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

So sudden even in silence
My senses listen to your beat
Your heart pacing wildly
Fingers touch casting gentle heat

Your lips finding mine
Under the cloak of night
Passion dancing upon our lips
brushing away all worry and fright

Unconditional, weightless
Is all the I feel within my breast
You lie there sleeping; innocence
My arms wrapped around, caressed


  
love photography Pictures, Images and Photos
© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
stargal
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since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


1 posted 06-04-2009 01:52 AM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

Hi Zach,

I think this is lovely. I especially like what I think of when I read the first stanza. Heartbeats can be so peaceful, and so alarming, exciting, at the same time. I am having trouble reconciling myself to the second stanza though. I'm not really sure... i can understand how it works, but i'm not crazy about it. I'm not quite sure why either, it just sounds funny when I read it to myself. Perhaps my own voice inflections are working against me. I do like the third stanza. The last line I'm trying to consider how you meant it. I can see it as your arms wrapped around someone, and their caressed, or your arms are wrapped around, being caressed. Not a big deal, I prefer the first, but I'm feeling ... tired, and rambling.
The point is that I thought this was a lovely picture to imagine, and very beautifully written. Good job.

Stargal-
Falling rain
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2 posted 06-04-2009 11:21 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Thanks Stargal,

This poem was hard for me to write to be honest. I tried to make the bond between the two innocent and pure. It was hard not to go into "further detail" if you know what I mean. Because the would go against guidelines. So to me the poem seems unfinished. But I don't know. I just woke up after staying up til 1am. lol.

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

stargal
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3 posted 06-05-2009 06:28 PM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

Remember how you said that the writer always feels like there is something missing, etc...? I think this is one of those cases. I actually liked the poem better for portraying that innocence. I sometimes think people miss what love is really about. Love is not just about passion, love is the little things as well. Love is curling up together watching a movie, getting dressed up and going to dinner, being in each others company. It is holding hands, taking a walk, talking about the silly inconsequential parts of each others day. Of course I have been told I'm a hopeless romantic, and that love is passion, but I think it's a mixture of both... anyway, just a weird thing my hopelessly stressed brain thought I need to bring up, again. I am still having trouble with the second though. When I read it all together I don't like it, but when I read the first and third together as one, I think that you need it. I don't know, something about it is throwing me off track when I read. Then again, it has been a long, long day, and I need to sleep, so I'm probably transposing words, and my voice inflections might not be as intended when I speak.

Good luck, I have had fun reading, and imagining.

Stargal
Falling rain
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4 posted 06-05-2009 11:44 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Hey,

I agree about the second stanza isn't my face at all. I might take it out. Maybe.

You and me both! I'm a hopeless romantic too. lol. I see love as just that. The little things are what count. Today people are only about passion. Sure that's nice to have but when your in a relationship with a person you actually love, then you don't really need it.
Some people don't think as it like me but oh well. I'm fine with it.   

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

kindredspirit
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since 05-19-2009
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5 posted 06-08-2009 04:23 PM       View Profile for kindredspirit   Email kindredspirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kindredspirit

this is absolutely beautiful.
UNTAMEDelegance
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since 05-30-2009
Posts 224
Oregon


6 posted 06-09-2009 01:07 AM       View Profile for UNTAMEDelegance   Email UNTAMEDelegance   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for UNTAMEDelegance

This was beautiful. I loved how you used the words in what seemed to me to be a gentle and elegant, yet passionate way. I just have one thing. I don't get what it means when you wrote "Is all the I feel within my breast." Was "the" supposed to be there, or am I going crazy and seeing things?
                             UNTAMEDelegance
RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
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since 06-11-2007
Posts 1062
In Love <3


7 posted 06-09-2009 09:14 AM       View Profile for RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed

This was beautiful, deffinatly something inspiring and helpful to come back to. Thanks for a great poem.

-Kate

"What are you!?"
"I'm complicated."

Falling rain
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8 posted 06-09-2009 12:03 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Oops! Your right. "The" wasn't suppose to be there. Just another typo. Haha. Thanks for reading.

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

nehematala
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since 05-21-2009
Posts 129


9 posted 06-11-2009 02:01 AM       View Profile for nehematala   Email nehematala   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nehematala

I love this poem.
I love the innocence.

If you don't like something,
Change it...
If you can't change it,
Change the way you think about it

 
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