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 Hurt
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Passions in Poetry

Hurt

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lovelyswagg14
Junior Member
since 05-17-2009
Posts 12
Irvine,California


0 posted 05-18-2009 07:37 PM       View Profile for lovelyswagg14   Email lovelyswagg14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit lovelyswagg14's Home Page   View IP for lovelyswagg14

Before i was young and naive
I would have done anything to please your needs
Untill the day we hit a wall
then everything started to stumble and fall
I broke down and shed so many tears
Not wanting to accept my biggest fears


I didn't want to accept any other guy
knowing that it would be just another lie


This whole time i was thinking of you
I was trying to heal the pain
without knowing what to do


It was obvious
that you had moved on
But my feelings for you
were a neverending song


And then i realized
what you put me through
and all the things i did for you
knowing I was the only one being true


My ignorance eats me up to this day
But forever my love is for you
who i pray


I can just save myself from time
Because we both know your
not even worth a dime


I wont wish you harm
because karma will get you back
you made me the person i am today
knowing how to love is one thing you will always lack

You played your game a little to well.
Are you a true person?
Its really hard to tell

[This message has been edited by lovelyswagg14 (05-18-2009 08:16 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 ..kharlye.. - All Rights Reserved
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


1 posted 05-20-2009 07:50 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

I like this. Even though you haven't said you want critique can I give you just one suggestion?
Don't force yourself to rhyme. I think that in this poem, because the rhyming felt forced in some places, it took away from what you were trying to say through it. Maybe try this one again as a free verse.
That's just my suggestion.
Keep up the great work.

{~~*~~}

Lacrimosa Dies Illa
[Oh that tearful day]
    {~~*~~}

lovelyswagg14
Junior Member
since 05-17-2009
Posts 12
Irvine,California


2 posted 05-20-2009 09:04 PM       View Profile for lovelyswagg14   Email lovelyswagg14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit lovelyswagg14's Home Page   View IP for lovelyswagg14

thankss.
I will take what you said in mind the next time im writing )
nehematala
Member
since 05-21-2009
Posts 129


3 posted 05-21-2009 03:47 PM       View Profile for nehematala   Email nehematala   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nehematala

I like this poem

If you don't like something,
Change it...
If you can't change it,
Change the way you think about it

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