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 Falling for you
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Passions in Poetry

Falling for you

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lovelyswagg14
Junior Member
since 05-17-2009
Posts 12
Irvine,California


0 posted 05-17-2009 04:02 PM       View Profile for lovelyswagg14   Email lovelyswagg14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit lovelyswagg14's Home Page   View IP for lovelyswagg14


It seems like whenever your around me
You put a spell on me
Don't know what to say or do
I think im falling for you
Whenever I hear your name
A smile is forced upon my face
When your with another girl
I wish I could take her place
I feel complete
Its like we were destined to meet
Its as simple as they say
I can't go on
Without you another day.
© Copyright 2009 ..kharlye.. - All Rights Reserved
Kalysta
Junior Member
since 04-02-2009
Posts 41
Ohio


1 posted 05-18-2009 08:42 PM       View Profile for Kalysta   Email Kalysta   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kalysta

I like this a lot. But I also think you could expand it more. Give more about what makes you like this guy so much. Tell about him, not necesiarly saying he has brown hair and he is tall. Talk about why he makes you tick. Why is he so important? What makes him so special? Why do you want to be in those other girls places when he is walking with them?

I hope this doesnt upset you in anyway but I'm just giving my opinion.

But I do like this a good deal. Keep writing.

~Kalysta~

~Kalysta~

 
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