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 Left In The Rain
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Passions in Poetry

Left In The Rain

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Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 05-13-2009 09:52 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain



Cloud weeps in agony
Its tears soaked in the ground
While lightening crashes
Thunder makings its roaring sound

You can't find my tears
Concealed within the rain
Bloody as it pulse
Beating senseless through pain

Falling through the cracks
Blood trickles across the stones
In the gutter my feelings go
Shattered my heart and bones

A lost heart torn from my sleeves
Beating louder than thunder
Mistakes caught in the fabric
Leaving me here to wonder

As the sky grows darker
The blood cease to flow
My heart a metronome
Stops its solemn tempo


[This message has been edited by Falling rain (05-14-2009 08:02 AM).]

© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


1 posted 05-14-2009 03:26 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I don't think the stanzas fit right with each other and I think the rhythm is off a bit, just my opinion, though.

The tips of my fingers
Start to bleed the thoughts
That overwhelm me
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


2 posted 05-14-2009 10:13 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

library

{~~*~~}

Lacrimosa Dies Illa
[Oh that tearful day]
    {~~*~~}

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member
since 05-08-2008
Posts 427
Canada


3 posted 05-15-2009 12:53 PM       View Profile for Just.Another.Falling.Star   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Just.Another.Falling.Star's Home Page   View IP for Just.Another.Falling.Star

oh zach, this is...unbelievable. i love it, the imagry and everything you put in my head is wonderful. great job on this one.
library.

julianna

.:.:~]you clicked your heals and wished for me[~:.:.

nehematala
Member
since 05-21-2009
Posts 129


4 posted 05-31-2009 03:51 PM       View Profile for nehematala   Email nehematala   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nehematala

wow I am having a hard time finding the right word here (a hard thing to do for me)

If you don't like something,
Change it...
If you can't change it,
Change the way you think about it

UNTAMEDelegance
Member
since 05-30-2009
Posts 224
Oregon


5 posted 06-01-2009 12:43 AM       View Profile for UNTAMEDelegance   Email UNTAMEDelegance   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for UNTAMEDelegance

This is a truly beautiful poem. The power that's captured within the words is completely stunning. There were a couple of places that I had to reread, but this is really, really amazing!=^.^=
 
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