How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 My Future I Fear
 1 2 3 4
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

My Future I Fear

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 05-06-2009 06:55 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain


I breathe slowly
as I lean along the ledge
Caution in my step
Dancing between the edge

The wind brushes lightly
Across my blushing cheek
Whispering to me hope
Promising adventure to seek

I say "hello" fondly,
Doubt hides behind my smile,
To the future that I greet,
Promising yet scary all the while

One foot stepped forward
The other holding me back
Can't figure out where I am
Confidence I surely lack

I breathe slowly
as I lean along the edge
Caution speaking on my lips
Forgetting about the ledge

(So its been sometime since I last wrote something, I thought, was good. I really don't know about this poem. I tried writing it over and over. This is my end result. The ending stanza is like weird for me. It sounds bad but I didn't mean it that way. Enjoy?)



© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


1 posted 05-06-2009 07:04 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

I thought it was great! the future is always scary when you are getting ready to venture out and test your wings...you did real good showing that!
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


2 posted 05-06-2009 08:27 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

I think the ending is fine. It ends it in a nice to-the-point kind of way.
nice write,

{~~*~~}

Lacrimosa Dies Illa
[Oh that tearful day]
    {~~*~~}

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 07-08-2006
Posts 832
Australia


3 posted 05-07-2009 07:26 AM       View Profile for RevengeIsMine   Email RevengeIsMine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RevengeIsMine

I like this Zach.. It's good..
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


4 posted 05-07-2009 12:42 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I think this is very nice and relatable. I do think the ending is fine, but I have to admit, I think it could have been better.

You laugh because I'm different...
I laugh cause I just farted!

 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> My Future I Fear Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors