How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 What do these words mean?
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

What do these words mean?

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


0 posted 04-16-2009 06:48 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy


I add these words into my piece,
But in the end what do they mean,
If nothing lies between the lines,
With no emotion to be seen.

I add a space between these lines,
Beginning with a different thought,
A stanza filled with feeble words,
A skill I own that can't be bought.

I add the commas here and there,
At every moment that I pause,
But what's the point to all of this,
If in the end they see the flaws.

I add these words without a thought,
But in the end what do they mean,
If nothing lies between the lines,
Without a purpose to be seen.


"Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell.
The smelly smell that smells... smelly." -Mr. Krabs

© Copyright 2009 Christine Juarez - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


1 posted 04-16-2009 07:40 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

WOW! This is just.. wow.. I really like this poem. I was about to write a poem after commenting on this, but know my view on writing just took a new look. lol (Library)

-Zach

We all flirt with the tiniest notion of self-conclusion in one simple motion.  

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 04-16-2009 09:59 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Thanks! Yeah, my views did, too.

"Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell.
The smelly smell that smells... smelly." -Mr. Krabs

moonbeam
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 12-24-2005
Posts 2038


3 posted 04-17-2009 05:33 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Christine

You progress in leaps and bounds.  We all at some point write poems about poems and your effort here is much better than many I have seen.  You've seized on an aspect of writing poetry which is very important, perhaps the most important aspect; how to write with true emotion and feeling yet at the same time write well.  Avoiding mere clinical words and empty, though grammatically correct, poetry is something we have to be wary of as we learn about techniques such a playing with line breaks, pauses, tension, and all the paraphernalia associated with sound.    The couple of lines which say it all are:

"But in the end what do they mean,
If nothing lies between the lines,"

That is stunning stuff Christine, and shows that you are really thinking now about poetry and what it is to be a poet.  I'm impressed.

I like to think of making a poem as the same as making a sculpture or painting.  An artist has to learn the technical side of paint and clay and the brushes and tools, how to use them, how to sharpen and clean them etc., and at first it is true that learning the mechanics may get in the way of the creativity and emotion.  

But one day, having learned those basic skills, they become instinctive so that the painter will simply paint.  Expressing his or her heart in the painting, yet using the skills she or he has learned to produce something wonderful.  

As it happens I think that this already excellent little poem could be improved, but I don't know whether you would want to work on it or not?

Incidentally I don't know if you've seen what Bob and Jenn and I are doing in the Alley.  There's a couple of threads, but one of them has got a bit entangled with discussions about CA which are boring!, the other one is this:

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum6/HTML/001803-2.html

If you feel like posting something, preferably free verse, it would be great to have your contribution.    

M

PS As we are talking about poems about poems, you might like this if you haven't seen it before:

http://www.loc.gov/poetry/180/001.html
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


4 posted 04-17-2009 08:46 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

Christine~~ I enjoyed  the rhyme and rhythm of your words and I  am one who reads between the lines. You did a good job getting your idea across.

I appreciate this poem very much.


M
punkrockerrobin
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 05-15-2001
Posts 2253
Sparks, NV


5 posted 04-19-2009 05:46 AM       View Profile for punkrockerrobin   Email punkrockerrobin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit punkrockerrobin's Home Page   View IP for punkrockerrobin

SO I READ IT BACKWARDS AFTER I READ IT FORWARDS AND FOR SOME REASON I LIKED IT MORE BACKWARDS LOL ANYWAYS I REALLY LIKED IT

I'm lost and going nowhere i need help to find my way

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


6 posted 04-19-2009 10:39 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Thanks you guys!!!!

Moonbeam,

I don't know if I'll work on this poem, it depends on whether I'll have the motivation to or not.

I have been reading what you guys have been doing in the Alley, but I don't think I'll post a poem. I'm too scared and I really suck at FV.

"Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell.
The smelly smell that smells... smelly." -Mr. Krabs

GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


7 posted 04-20-2009 08:41 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

WOW! You've gotten soo good since I was last one here. I wish I could stay longer and read more, but the bell is about to ring. Oh well, sucks for me. Lol...
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


8 posted 04-20-2009 02:39 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Thanks, Michaela!

"Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell.
The smelly smell that smells... smelly." -Mr. Krabs

Rosie_Orange
Junior Member
since 04-20-2009
Posts 46
South Africa


9 posted 04-20-2009 05:27 PM       View Profile for Rosie_Orange   Email Rosie_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Rosie_Orange

The content is intense, in an abstract way... Its kind of something you wouldn't expect and don't normally think about so when you read it, its like you're thinking differently

i love it
Bob K
Member Elite
since 11-03-2007
Posts 3860


10 posted 04-20-2009 08:15 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K

I said this better below.
Bob K
Member Elite
since 11-03-2007
Posts 3860


11 posted 04-20-2009 08:17 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K



Dear F&2S,

          Nobody starts at a professional level.  That's why they call it "starting."  Nobody's allowed to be perfect in that thread anyway.  Thems the rules; and that's the one rule nobody's allowed to break, so tough, and we'll hold you to it, too.  For that matter, we hold everybody to it, including me.  Maybe even especially me.

     You can dig up a Free Grinch thread that's got an exercise by Jim Simmerman called, I think, 20 poetry projects, that'll get your feet wet on free verse.  Think of it as another kind of form, like a sonnet, that you're trying to master.  That's certainly one way to think about free verse, and a very helpful way at that.  It'll free up your playful side, which is what we want to get some access to when we're doing this sort of thing.  But I warn you, if you're perfect I'll be terribly upset!  I may even force you to make some cookies to say you're sorry, you beast.

     Though nobody's had to make cookies yet.

     And yes, it's like you're thinking differently, like Rosie_Orange said.

     Sincerely, Bob Kaven

    
freeand2sexy will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> What do these words mean? Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors