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punkrockerrobin
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since 05-15-2001
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Sparks, NV


0 posted 04-12-2009 07:30 AM       View Profile for punkrockerrobin   Email punkrockerrobin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit punkrockerrobin's Home Page   View IP for punkrockerrobin

I've lost my way and i don't know where to go
i keep searching and searching
it seems so dark theses days
no way out
i feel like i am gasping for air
the world seems so small
i just want to escape
the walls are closing in
i should just give up
runaway and start fresh
but still i cant escape
this world has it's claws in me
one problem after another
maybe if i close my eyes it will go away
i try and i try but I'm so weak
maybe one day
i will be strong enough to overcome
but for now I'm still searching
and searching

i'm lost and going nowhere

© Copyright 2009 Robin Hill - All Rights Reserved
punkrockerrobin
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Sparks, NV


1 posted 04-12-2009 07:42 AM       View Profile for punkrockerrobin   Email punkrockerrobin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit punkrockerrobin's Home Page   View IP for punkrockerrobin

ok now that I've read this it seems kind of dark i didn't mean it to be it just came out and does it seem like i left it without an end?

i'm lost and going nowhere

Octave
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since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


2 posted 04-14-2009 01:10 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

Don't worry about it feeling "dark". Sometimes our best creations are produced when we write with feeling rather than thought.

It could do with a little tweaking here and there, but i think the ending is fine, personally. It started how it begun, with the point. I cant really give much of a critque as im not really into unrymthing poetry, so im a bit biased. Good stuff though, keep it up.
punkrockerrobin
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Sparks, NV


3 posted 04-14-2009 07:55 PM       View Profile for punkrockerrobin   Email punkrockerrobin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit punkrockerrobin's Home Page   View IP for punkrockerrobin

yea i hardly ever rhyme i jsut like to put words together and make it flow. but thanks i appreciate it

I'm lost and going nowhere i need help to find my way

 
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