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 Dreaming.
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Dreaming.

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Falling rain
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0 posted 04-09-2009 11:11 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain


Your words are painting my skies
Staining raindrops with worthless lies
Every hope dipped in ravens ink
Making me drown as I sink

Gravity pulling me down, grabbing air
Stars leap across the sky as I stare
Jumping, dancing on fiery trails
Sparkling, Crackling as it wails.

Stepping lightly along the milky way
Living within my own fairytale far away
Trapped in visions in my head
As I lie asleep on my bed

Drifting past this starry night
Clock's paused at midnight
Daylight creeping on the edge
As I hang off dreams ledge








© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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with you


1 posted 04-09-2009 11:21 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

"Stepping lightly along the milky way
Living within my own fairytale far away
Trapped in visions in my head
As I lie asleep on my bed "

enjoyed this Zach
freeand2sexy
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2 posted 04-09-2009 11:51 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I love this, especially the beginning!!!

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

XxForever.BrokenxX
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3 posted 04-10-2009 12:22 AM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

this is amazing. By far my most favoritest that u've ever wrote.
Fantastic write,
Library

{~~*~~}

Emmalee Janelle
   {~~*~~}

Just.Another.Falling.Star
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4 posted 04-10-2009 05:22 PM       View Profile for Just.Another.Falling.Star   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Just.Another.Falling.Star's Home Page   View IP for Just.Another.Falling.Star

oh my goodness zach!!! this turned out fabulous! i still find it interesting how it went with the song we were listening to last night, lol.
library by far.

julianna

.:.:~]you clicked your heals and wished for me[~:.:.

moonbeam
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5 posted 04-10-2009 05:46 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Not bad at all Zach .  I'm about to go to bed, I'll try and say a bit more tomorrow.

M
Octave
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6 posted 04-13-2009 06:01 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

I like this. It's interesting. You have a lovely way of creating imagery and putting images together in the mind.

"Drifting past this starry night
Clock's paused at midnight
Daylight creeping on the edge
As I hang off dreams ledge"

I quite like this little stanza. Keep up the good work.
Love_Skull
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7 posted 04-13-2009 08:43 PM       View Profile for Love_Skull   Email Love_Skull   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Love_Skull

i love this poem!you are a really good writer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
definitely going into my library!

<3 leah
moonbeam
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8 posted 04-15-2009 08:25 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Hi Zach

Let's take a look at the detail of this.

Your words are painting my skies

>>>Great opening line.  One of the best I've seen from you.  Strong images, good metaphor, original writing.  Bang! straight into the poem.

Staining raindrops with worthless lies

>>>Building on the sky image and metaphor - nice.  "Worthless lies" is a bit overused, even cliche.  Do you really need "worthless"?  Just "lies" would tighten it a lot.

Every hope dipped in ravens ink

>>>"Ravens ink" - maybe you need an apostrophe "Raven's" - the ink of the raven?  But, wow, what a wonderful image.  

Making me drown as I sink

>>>This is the weakest line so far.  Your speaker is in water all of a sudden, and there's not much new about drowning in sorrows or sinking.

Gravity pulling me down, grabbing air
Stars leap across the sky as I stare
Jumping, dancing on fiery trails
Sparkling, Crackling as it wails.

>>>You're back to the sky metaphor again with some really lively language.  Lots of nice energetic verbs - exciting writing.

Stepping lightly along the milky way
Living within my own fairytale far away
Trapped in visions in my head
As I lie asleep on my bed

Drifting past this starry night
Clock's paused at midnight
Daylight creeping on the edge
As I hang off dreams ledge

>>>I liked the way you move out into space and the final line was also original and evocative.

Thanks for this Zach.
Falling rain
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9 posted 04-15-2009 10:57 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Thanks for re-reading it through.

Now when I said "ravens ink", I thought it sounded cool 'cause "black ink" just didn't do it for me. When I said "drowning as I sink" I was referring to the ink again. Since ink is a liquid I said "drown". Make's any sense so far?

Hmm. I could revise this poem if you want Moon?

We all flirt with the tiniest notion of self-conclusion in one simple motion.  

moonbeam
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10 posted 04-17-2009 07:23 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Sorry Zach, I missed your question.  This has got too much that's nice about it to tamper with it I think.  Perhaps move on to something new?  Tell you what though, same question as I asked Christine: are you reading any poetry by published poets at the moment?

Cheers.

M
Falling rain
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11 posted 04-17-2009 08:04 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I'm reading Romeo and Juliet in my English class at school if that counts.

-Zach

We all flirt with the tiniest notion of self-conclusion in one simple motion.  

moonbeam
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12 posted 04-17-2009 05:21 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

LOL Zach Well it's not exactly what I had in mind, but better than nothing I guess!  You can't go wrong with William, specially for the mushy love sonnets

But really I was thinking about more modern stuff.  Do you, or have you read any modern poetry you like?  Or even you don't like?

M
Suncleaver
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13 posted 04-17-2009 09:27 PM       View Profile for Suncleaver   Email Suncleaver   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Suncleaver

I enjoyed this Zach.

Falling rain
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14 posted 04-18-2009 12:27 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I don't really read much modern poetry to be honest. Well besides the stuff posted on Pip, then no.

-Zach

We all flirt with the tiniest notion of self-conclusion in one simple motion.  

moonbeam
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15 posted 04-18-2009 05:07 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Hey Zach, I thought I'd get around to making some suggestions to you today, but I ran right out of time.  Be back tomorrow.

Cheers for now.

M
GothicCherry
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16 posted 04-20-2009 09:07 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

I greatly enjoyed this!!

It kinda left me at the end, but I'm not sure why....Hmmm....
moonbeam
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17 posted 04-21-2009 05:22 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Not forgotten this Zach, been away all today, brb.

M
Rosie_Orange
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18 posted 04-22-2009 10:44 AM       View Profile for Rosie_Orange   Email Rosie_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Rosie_Orange

i loved it! it was beautiful..
JenniferMaxwell
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19 posted 04-22-2009 11:17 AM       View Profile for JenniferMaxwell   Email JenniferMaxwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JenniferMaxwell

Hi Zach. This is certainly one of your very best, and, as moonbeam mentioned, the opening line is spectacular!

A collection of poems by teen authors that you might enjoy reading is previewed on Amazon. It's called "Paint Me Like I Am".  The book is available in many school and public libraries. These are all poems by teens for teens.
moonbeam
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20 posted 04-22-2009 05:07 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Thanks for helping Zach with that recommendation, I was struggling a bit to think of what to suggest Jenn.  Is there anything you know of that he can read online?
moonbeam
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21 posted 04-24-2009 03:41 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Zach

Do you like any of these?
www.loc.gov/poetry/180/p180-list.html

M
Falling rain
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22 posted 04-24-2009 05:54 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I like...

The Summer I Was Sixteen (Cause I can relate to it and I thought how they worded was interesting)

Lines (Cause I liked how it was short yet had a hidden message that's different every time you read it.)



I just got inspired by something and I don't have to time to read everything there. But thanks for the website! I'm gonna look at it some more and get some idea's.
moonbeam
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23 posted 04-26-2009 03:38 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Good Zach.

Keep reading.  There's lots of resources on the net to find poems.  Here's a couple of links to other poems by the poets you liked:
http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/geraldine_connolly/poems
http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/273

Cheers

Rob

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