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Passions in Poetry

Holding On to What's Left

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Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 03-26-2009 10:36 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I really don't like how I worded this poem.. It seems too forced to me.. But I had an inspiration and I had to write it out.. I think I did it wrong. Hmph.. Enjoy?
Edited; alone Pictures, Images and Photos
Deep within your heart
Your thoughts stay
Where laughter's on your lips
Hazel eyes so far away

You listen to every thought
They trouble you so
But your missing the obvious
Your at the lowest of the low

Your waiting for life to start
You lived through so much
Your eyes seen the worst of life
And it kills you as such

You write marks in scarlet
The sleeves won't cover pain
Tears won't stitch the wound
Dark thoughts can't be restrain

You fix your make up again
Still holding on to lost hope
Finding the light you deserve
That way for you to cope

Still smiling through it
Keeping your head high
Hiding it under that smile
Managing to get by
© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member
since 05-08-2008
Posts 427
Canada


1 posted 03-26-2009 11:17 PM       View Profile for Just.Another.Falling.Star   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Just.Another.Falling.Star's Home Page   View IP for Just.Another.Falling.Star

zach...wow.
there are no other words for this...
library

?ul!@nn@

these broken pieces of my heart are to shattered to be put back together again

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 03-27-2009 05:58 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I really like this, though there were some parts that seemed forced, but it really did flow nicely other than that.

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

Suncleaver
Member
since 01-18-2009
Posts 480
Stafford England


3 posted 03-28-2009 10:46 PM       View Profile for Suncleaver   Email Suncleaver   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Suncleaver

Good stuff Zach.

Keep at it, but like I said don't get obsessed with not putting a syllable out of place.

Passion will touch people, prosaic structure won't.

In these lonely halls no moon will weep, no sun will shine.
In these narrow rooms no tears are seen, no laughter heard!

KandyGrl511
Member
since 11-30-2008
Posts 52
Michigan


4 posted 03-29-2009 06:58 PM       View Profile for KandyGrl511   Email KandyGrl511   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for KandyGrl511

i liked it!!!!
pandabear
Junior Member
since 03-08-2009
Posts 36


5 posted 03-30-2009 11:39 PM       View Profile for pandabear   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for pandabear

i liked it a lot
rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 05-28-2007
Posts 541
usa


6 posted 04-01-2009 07:05 PM       View Profile for rebelangelv   Email rebelangelv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rebelangelv

You write marks in scarlet
The sleeves won't cover pain
Tears won't stitch the wound
Dark thoughts can't be restrain

that was my favorite! it was excellent! there was some lines that did in fact seem a bit forced but it wasnt bad at all. i loved it! also, ive been meaning to put you as a fav author, just too lazy to do so! lol great job! keep it up!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

KebiraAmani
New Member
since 04-02-2009
Posts 5
Canada


7 posted 04-02-2009 09:59 PM       View Profile for KebiraAmani   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for KebiraAmani

I quite enjoyed it. I found some parts, strained a bit, but at the same time it helped with the feel of the poem to me.

you're very talented.
Kalysta
Junior Member
since 04-02-2009
Posts 41
Ohio


8 posted 04-02-2009 10:25 PM       View Profile for Kalysta   Email Kalysta   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kalysta

Hey I thought it was very well written! Great Job! Keep at it!

~Kalysta~

 
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