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Passions in Poetry

bloody mask (iambic meter)

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nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


0 posted 03-24-2009 09:02 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for nina1522

This is a revised version of an earlier poem i wrote. it is in iambic meter.


This smile's a foreign grin,
my muscles start to rip.
The skin begins the crack.
my blood begins to drip.

This laugh's a painful lump,
it's burning in my chest.
My lungs begin to crack
The blood starts to infest


This place is troubling
Carefree, I dont recall
the mask begins to crack
my blood again will fall.
(thanks turtle)
© Copyright 2009 nina1522 - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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with you


1 posted 03-24-2009 09:12 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

this is WICKED good!!
Falling rain
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2 posted 03-25-2009 07:55 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I agree!! Very good!!

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

moonbeam
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3 posted 03-25-2009 12:33 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Not bad at all Nina.  Well done.

(Not sure about the inversion in the last line, but that's only a tiny point).

M

nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


4 posted 03-25-2009 06:55 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

thanks.
freeand2sexy
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since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


5 posted 03-27-2009 05:48 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Awesome Job, Nina!!!

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


6 posted 03-27-2009 06:30 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

hey! sorry i havnt been able to talk i just have a LOT of conditioning. we have to talk soon. haha o and thank :]
freeand2sexy
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since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


7 posted 03-27-2009 06:52 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Oh, that's okay, but we do need to talk. I think I have an awesome group name, anyways, I've already sent you some emails, I think.

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

 
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