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Teen Poetry #9
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nina1522
Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189


0 posted 2009-03-24 09:02 PM


This is a revised version of an earlier poem i wrote. it is in iambic meter.


This smile's a foreign grin,
my muscles start to rip.
The skin begins the crack.
my blood begins to drip.

This laugh's a painful lump,
it's burning in my chest.
My lungs begin to crack
The blood starts to infest


This place is troubling
Carefree, I dont recall
the mask begins to crack
my blood again will fall.
(thanks turtle)

© Copyright 2009 nina1522 - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Member Seraphic
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with you
1 posted 2009-03-24 09:12 PM


this is WICKED good!!
Falling rain
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2 posted 2009-03-25 07:55 AM


I agree!! Very good!!

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

moonbeam
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3 posted 2009-03-25 12:33 PM


Not bad at all Nina.  Well done.

(Not sure about the inversion in the last line, but that's only a tiny point).

M


nina1522
Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189

4 posted 2009-03-25 06:55 PM


thanks.
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704
CA, USA
5 posted 2009-03-27 05:48 PM


Awesome Job, Nina!!!

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick


nina1522
Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189

6 posted 2009-03-27 06:30 PM


hey! sorry i havnt been able to talk i just have a LOT of conditioning. we have to talk soon. haha o and thank :]
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704
CA, USA
7 posted 2009-03-27 06:52 PM


Oh, that's okay, but we do need to talk. I think I have an awesome group name, anyways, I've already sent you some emails, I think.

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

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navwin » Main Forums » Teen Poetry #9 » bloody mask (iambic meter)

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