How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 Dont Be Suprised
 1 2
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Dont Be Suprised

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
stacylynn418
Junior Member
since 03-06-2009
Posts 40
new york


0 posted 03-24-2009 05:58 PM       View Profile for stacylynn418   Email stacylynn418   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stacylynn418

Hold onto something that isnít there,
While he is sitting, unaware
Of all the feelings youíve elected to hide;
Of all the sentiments you keep sheltered inside.

And donít be shocked when heís gone.

Convince yourself that he isnít trying;
That he is the reason your heart has been lying.
Blame him for the things he refuses to say,
While still holding on to your yesterday.

But girl, youíre the one that is wrong.

Keep expecting him to read your mind,
Hoping it will work this time,
And assuming that he is just like you,
Never wanting this to be through.

And never complain he's moved on.
© Copyright 2009 stacy carter - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


1 posted 03-24-2009 07:03 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Welcome to Pip!!
This poem was pretty good.
Only comment though is the lines in between your stanza's sorta broke the flow in it.
Just my two cents.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 03-24-2009 08:13 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Yeah, I like this, but the lines in between your stanza's, I think, didn't work so well. Maybe if it was a refrain, repeating a line, like your first single line stanza,

"And donít be shocked when heís gone."

If you replaced the other's with this line, it might sound better.

Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved.

 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> Dont Be Suprised Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors