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 Only Myself To Blame
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Passions in Poetry

Only Myself To Blame

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Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 03-24-2009 12:50 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

  I don't know about this. I just felt like writing. I think it needs more to add. But I'll let you guys disgussed that  
Morphine running through my veins
Calming ever memory and pain
My eyes growing darker then before
It kills me to just know

That the truth stands before me
That in daylight it screams to be
A numb feeling suppressed
My heart beats solomnly within my brest

I'm becoming less then the rest
Your smothering me to become the best
Suffering in my own shame
Finding only myself to blame

© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
freeand2sexy
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since 09-12-2008
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CA, USA


1 posted 03-24-2009 08:28 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I really like the two first lines, they really drew me in.

The last line in the first stanza didn't rhyme, like I expected it to, so it kinda mest up the flow.

But I did like the ending, and I don't know if you need to add more, I think that's up to you.

Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved.

Falling rain
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2 posted 03-25-2009 07:52 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Well I like the ending. But I was just thinking, maybe I need a stanza in between the 2nd and 3rd stanza. I don't know. Just a thought.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
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since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 03-27-2009 06:04 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Well, now that I think about it, I think you should add another stanza between your 2nd and 3rd, if you can.

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

 
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