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Passions in Poetry

So Superhero

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freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


0 posted 03-20-2009 08:06 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Okay so I got tired of always writing serious stuff about how I feel or felt or what others feel or felt, so I thought I would write one that is kinda stupid and pointless. Hope you like it.


So whereís my superhero
When will he rescue me?
Me the lonely zero
Who lives in reality?

So superhero where are you
Why waste important time
They say youíre sitting in a car
Instead of fighting crime

So my silly superhero
I thought you could fly
Why drive down crowded lanes
Instead of hugging the sky

So superhero whatís with you?
They whisper that youíre ill
Coughing and sneezing
Canít you rescue me still?

So superhero, are you getting better
I see you coming and youíre not too far
But itís okay, I donít need you anymore
I already opened up my pickle jar



Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved.
© Copyright 2009 Christine Juarez - All Rights Reserved
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


1 posted 03-20-2009 08:49 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry


So, whereís my superhero?
When will he rescue me?
Me, this lonely zero
who lives in reality?

So, Superhero, where are you?
Why waste important time?
They say youíre sitting in a car,
instead of fighting crime.

So, my silly superhero,
I thought you could fly.
Why drive down crowded lanes,
instead of hugging the sky? (like the hugging sky part)

So, Superhero whatís with you?
They whisper that youíre ill,
coughing and sneezing.
Canít you rescue me still?

So, Superhero, are you getting better?
I see you coming. Youíre not too far,
but itís okay, I donít need you anymore.
Daddy already opened up my pickle jar.


I loved this, I just had to go through and change a couple things. I'm getting a habit of doing that lol
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 03-20-2009 09:12 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Wow you made it better! lol

Thanks!

Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved.

moonbeam
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3 posted 03-21-2009 05:32 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

At last!

I assure you Christine there's nothing stupid or pointless about this.  I'll be honest, the stuff you've been writing over the last few days here bored the hell out of me.  This however is fun, acute, moves along nicely, and makes some great points about aspects life in general and the speaker in particular.

It could probably do with a bit of revision here and there, but this is a way of writing that will eventually get you published.  

Just check out some of the differences between this and some of your other poems.  Or I'll check them for you later if you want, lol.

Michaela's added punctuation was probably strictly correct, but I am not sure whether it tends to add too much choppiness.  As for her ending!  Ugh, if that's what I think it is (and I am very innocent in these matters) then I think it adds an inappropriate dark element to the piece which grates against the light playful tone of the rest of the poem.

Lighten up Michaela  

Good work Christine  

PS Oh, I forgot to mention, the opening - that first line: really very very good - bang straight into the action "So where's my superhero" - wow, the reader is hooked from the first moment.  

Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


4 posted 03-21-2009 11:22 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Lol! The ending made me laugh. Ahh, I needed a good laugh.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


5 posted 03-21-2009 12:52 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

YAY!!!! lol

Moonbeam,

You just made my day; I might actually be in a good mood when I'm forced to babysit a bunch of brats for free, later today.

I've never written anything that could be considered humorous or fun, I just thought I would give it a shot, and I guess I'm not that bad at it, after all. Thanks for your feedback; it means a lot.

Zach,

I'm so glad I made you laugh, feels good doesn't it?


Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved.
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


6 posted 03-21-2009 01:12 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Holy Smokes,

I'm smiling today!!!

Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved.

moonbeam
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7 posted 03-21-2009 04:39 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

So you ought to be Christine.

This is a poem by one of my favourite poets, Wendy Cope, in the same sort of vein as yours.  Just remember "bloody" in the UK is quite a strong swear word.

Bloody men! by Wendy Cope

Bloody men are like bloody buses
You wait for about a year
And as soon as one approaches your stop
Two or three others appear.

You look at them flashing their indicators,
Offering you a ride.
You're trying to read the destinations,
You haven't much time to decide.

If you make a mistake, there is no turning back.
Jump off, and you'll stand there and gaze
While the cars and the taxis and lorries go by
And the minutes, the hours, the days.
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


8 posted 03-22-2009 08:41 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Bloody men..HaHa!!

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot..., HI  LILY!!!
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


9 posted 03-22-2009 08:18 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Wow, I love that poem, now I feel more inspired to write another one like these; just don't expect to be reading it soon. This one took me 15 mins out of luck; I'm sure the next one will take me even longer.

Michaela, I can't believe you remembered. I kinda want to change the name, though; I want to come up with something different.

Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved.

~frustrated writer~
Member
since 02-25-2008
Posts 85


10 posted 06-20-2009 06:27 AM       View Profile for ~frustrated writer~   Email ~frustrated writer~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ~frustrated writer~

like it a lot! )

keep it up girl!^^
kindredspirit
Member
since 05-19-2009
Posts 156


11 posted 06-20-2009 10:37 AM       View Profile for kindredspirit   Email kindredspirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kindredspirit

everybody needs a hero. i enjoyed the images that your words created, of a superhero, sitting in a car.. hugging the sky. wonderful!!
meganne_77
Junior Member
since 04-15-2009
Posts 14
Oklahoma


12 posted 06-20-2009 04:53 PM       View Profile for meganne_77   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for meganne_77

wow! lol i loved your poem made me smile. It was how i feel alot. good job

Barbie

nehematala
Member
since 05-21-2009
Posts 129


13 posted 06-20-2009 06:55 PM       View Profile for nehematala   Email nehematala   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nehematala

wow this poem is so fun. It lightened up my mood I might even pay attention to the ballet recital today

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.

Peanutbuttercookies'nmilk
Junior Member
since 05-03-2009
Posts 31
Terrell,Texas


14 posted 06-20-2009 08:48 PM       View Profile for Peanutbuttercookies'nmilk   Email Peanutbuttercookies'nmilk   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Peanutbuttercookies'nmilk

I needed a good laugh.
You are a miracle child.
NEVER stop writing.

We are all unique  in Jesus' eyes.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


15 posted 06-23-2009 02:22 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Aw, Thanks Guys, I should really write more poems like this one.

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

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