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 Tell me you can't love me!
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Passions in Poetry

Tell me you can't love me!

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freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


0 posted 03-16-2009 03:31 AM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy


This is pretty much a vent that I finished writing just seconds ago. I wasn't trying to use a rhyming scheme, so some parts rhyme and some don't, I wasn't even trying to rhyme, it just came out the way it did. Also, I wasn't using any meter or anything else, sometimes when you feel like crying, you just have to let it all out on paper, without really thinking about stuff like that. You can critique it, but realize I just wrote whatever words that came out.


Thereís butterflies spinning in my head,
Theyíre not in my stomach,
And there are chains that bind me down,
But theyíre not what you expect.

Theyíre golden, so beautiful,
Heavy, but so graceful,
Filled of gems, of all colors.
(They mean everything, to me.)

So tell me you love me,
But tell me Iím not good enough,
It Ďcause Iím falling,
And canít hold on, not long enough.

I must be sick in my mind,
To think love would want me
With malfunctions deep inside.
To assume love is coming.

So tell me you love me,
But tell me Iím not good enough.
Itís 'cause Iím falling,
Making your life, just too tough.

The butterflies, sputter in my head.
Theyíre not where they should be.
The chains, they donít come off.
Instead they like to chafe me.

But I know you see it, too,
That I need someone to catch me
And you want it to be you.
We both do, but we know you canít be.

Tell me you loved me,
But tell me itís all, just not right.
Itís 'cause Iím falling,
Because Iím the one, who bleeds inside.

Tell me you canít love me,
Because it was in our heads.
In the end it was nothing,
Nothing but pretends.

Tell me you canít love me,
And Iíll tell you, I understand,
And next time, Iíll listen to the chains,
That binds my adolescent hands.

No, I'm not conceited, 2sexy doesn't mean "too sexy", it means something else!

© Copyright 2009 Christine Juarez - All Rights Reserved
prettypinkrebel
Member
since 11-07-2007
Posts 104


1 posted 03-16-2009 08:44 AM       View Profile for prettypinkrebel   Email prettypinkrebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for prettypinkrebel

I absolutely adore this. and can deffinetly relate!!! GREAT work
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


2 posted 03-16-2009 08:51 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Hmmm, I'm not sure I like this at all hun. No offense. Just didn't really strike me in any way. Vents don't have to though. Lol... I did like the first stanza. I guess it just gave me hope for the rest of it to be good and I was kind of let down. Don't let my opinions say anything to you. I'm a bit cooky this morning.
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 03-16-2009 03:08 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Prettypinkrebel, thanks for your opinion and for letting me know you can relate, it makes everything I'm going through seem more real and a bit easier to get through.

Michaela, thanks for your opinion as well, honesty means a lot to me. I wasn't expecting it to be good; I just wrote it to get my feelings out. I was hoping you would tell me why it wasn't good, though. Simply telling me you didn't like it, doesn't help at all. A hundred ppl can comment and say they didn't like it, but it doesn't help me if I don't know why.



No, I'm not conceited, 2sexy doesn't mean "too sexy", it means something else!
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


4 posted 03-16-2009 08:45 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Honestly, I'm not sure I can tell you why at this moment. I'm losing myself so fast.

Lines 1,6, and 10 made nice sense, between those it seemed like you were just throwing words in to try and get a point across but it never landed. Idk. I'm gone. Idk. Idk anything.
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


5 posted 03-16-2009 09:06 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

"I must be sick in my mind,
To think love would want me"

That was one of the other lines I really liked. It strikes me as really good and something I can relate to. But I have to agree with Michaela it just seemed like you were just filling in empty spaces with words.
Just my two cents.

-Zach
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