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Passions in Poetry

the paintings of damnation

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nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


0 posted 03-11-2009 04:36 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for nina1522

not sure if it makes sense. oh well haha. its supposed to be how old experience
can mirror whats going now or in the future.



Uncertain memories filter my head
Challenging me to remember
Protesting me to forget.
Guiding me with yesterday's lies.
Painting the image of tomorrows damnation.  



© Copyright 2009 nina1522 - All Rights Reserved
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


1 posted 03-11-2009 04:57 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi nina,

This is an improvement over "Shattered Glass", but you're right, it is not clear. Do you mean??

Uncertain memories (clog) my (mind);
Guiding me with yesterday's lies,
Painting the image of tomorrows damnation,
Challenging me to remember
(What I want) to forget.


OR:

Uncertain memories filter (through) my head;
Challenging me to remember,
(Yet) Protesting (that I) forget.
(I'm) (guided by) yesterday's lies
(That) (paint) the image of tomorrows damnation.


OR:........

nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


2 posted 03-11-2009 05:05 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

hi turtle i think the first one.
this poem is about something i vaguely remember. at the time in which the experience was occuring it seemed normal (i was very young) but now that im older i can see what they did was completely wrong. this person i must see every so often. for they are in my family. so when i discovered this i realized their nice facade was fake. so i think the second one explains the circumstances better and more clearly.

but the first line ie think should be

"uncertian memories clog my mind"  

i like that a lot better than my head
Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


3 posted 03-11-2009 05:13 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I like this lots.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


4 posted 03-11-2009 05:20 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

thanks

[This message has been edited by nina1522 (03-12-2009 03:19 PM).]

turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
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5 posted 03-11-2009 05:54 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Quote:
this poem is about something i vaguely remember. at the time in which the experience was occuring it seemed normal (i was very young) but now that im older i can see what they did was completely wrong. this person i must see every so often. for they are in my family.

This is so sad.....and explains what I have been wondering, about the messages in your writing.
Sweety, nothing in whatever has happened is your fault and there is no reason that it should not seem
normal to a child. This is probably what bothers you more than anything and it would be normal to blame
yourself, but you are clearly a bright young woman and I know you can overcome this. Keep
writing nina. It helps.

..........So does Basketball, volleyball, and Lacrosse.

nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


6 posted 03-11-2009 06:44 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

thank you turtle very much that means a lot. writing allows me to let go of the built up emotions. it allows me to tell my story when not even the people closest to me dont know about. thank you very much.

[This message has been edited by nina1522 (03-12-2009 06:24 AM).]

nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


7 posted 03-14-2009 02:33 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

i just realized i meant...

Protesting me not to forget.
isabella223
Junior Member
since 03-14-2009
Posts 15


8 posted 03-14-2009 03:34 PM       View Profile for isabella223   Email isabella223   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for isabella223

yeah but i like how turtle says it more.

[This message has been edited by isabella223 (03-14-2009 04:30 PM).]

 
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