How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 Asking for forgiveness
 1 2 3 4 5 6
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Asking for forgiveness

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
daddysgurlxx5xx
New Member
since 03-08-2009
Posts 8


0 posted 03-08-2009 11:51 AM       View Profile for daddysgurlxx5xx   Email daddysgurlxx5xx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for daddysgurlxx5xx

I wrote this poem because my boyfriend been throught alot .. his mom and little sister died of cancer... his 2ed oldest sister was adopted and taken to cueba... his moms boyfriend got shot infront of his eyes..and him, his brother, and other sister was also adopted.. its hard for him to show his love... sometimes even acts like a jerk...but who can blame him...so here's the poem..
------------------------------->

He poured his heart and soul
thinking that i'll fix that hole
he asked me for 1 more chance, and blew it
when hes next to me, its hard to sit

He's been hurt by many
the love for me, he'll try to show
bad things happened, i should not know
please lets just keep it on the low

Thinking i could relive the pain
but i didnt know and danced in the rain
he didnt want to loose me
to open my heart, you must have the key

with everything thats happened
its just so hard and i dont know what to do
thinking he disruppted my life
but its not true,

The only one left , dont want me to go
his love for me is hard to show
he loves me, and i love him
but his love for me he will surely win!
© Copyright 2009 Danielle blomquist - All Rights Reserved
pandabear
Junior Member
since 03-08-2009
Posts 36


1 posted 03-08-2009 05:40 PM       View Profile for pandabear   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for pandabear

wow that is a really really really good poem and thats sad on what happend too
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


2 posted 03-08-2009 08:19 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Umm, to me it was sort of boring in a lot of ways.
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 03-09-2009 04:47 AM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Boring? Well, idk.

Since you put no for encouraging critiques, I'll just say, that I was able to see what you were trying to say in this poem, but it was a little difficult to read.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

moonbeam
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 12-24-2005
Posts 2038


4 posted 03-09-2009 07:00 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

I know what you mean Michaela, and I agree that as a poetic art-form this has practically no merit.

But you have to remember that this isn't a critiquing forum and some people may just want to vent.  Plus that to this writer the piece obviously means a lot - and maybe to her close friends too.  

Sometimes I think we have to try and distinguish between when a piece of writing is just a kind of message, or a cry for help, or a plea for understanding, as opposed to when someone is trying to serious improve their writing as a piece of literary art.

Especially in a non-critiquing forum I guess we have to be tolerant of the fact that the writing may have a validity outside of just being a "good poem", and be sensitive in our responses.

That's not to say I in anyway disagree with your comment Michaela, but maybe you should get yourself over to CA and do a bit of reading and critiquing there too .
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


5 posted 03-09-2009 08:38 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

CA? I'm not really one for critiquing. I was just stating my opinion. I have problems with being very outspoken.
moonbeam
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 12-24-2005
Posts 2038


6 posted 03-09-2009 11:43 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Michaela, that's cool.  I have problems with exactly the same thing! And CA is probably best avoided right now anyway.  It must be the silliest forum at PiP ~sigh~.
 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> Asking for forgiveness Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors