How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 Not What it Seems?
 1 2 3 4 5
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Not What it Seems?

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 03-23-2007
Posts 623
Space Camp, IN


0 posted 03-02-2009 03:17 PM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange

i close my eyes
and listen to the thump of my heart beating
re-reading these notes for double meanings
but its all here
in black and white
and your facade is running thin
with every line

i can see through your fallacies
your imperfections are an infectous disease
back away, back away
this is not what it seems
this is what makes your dreams
interpret the insipid
this person that i once called friend



~ you cant run from yourself ~

[This message has been edited by Clockwork_Orange (03-02-2009 10:14 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Bryan Lucas - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


1 posted 03-02-2009 09:26 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I sorta understood this.. but they ending through me off... The meaning at the end

"your imperfections are an infectious disease
back away, back away"

I understood it as that you don't want to be imperfect? I might be miss-translating it but I don't know. I like your wording in your first stanza though.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 03-02-2009 10:33 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Hey Zach I think your "mis-translating" what it means, I think I understand it clearly.

"your imperfections are an infectous disease
back away, back away"

These are actually my favorite lines, I really like this poem, and I can relate,too.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


3 posted 03-03-2009 09:52 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Oh! I got it now! Now that you added that last line it made much more sense.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

Reborn_Phoenix
Junior Member
since 03-04-2009
Posts 11


4 posted 03-04-2009 01:13 AM       View Profile for Reborn_Phoenix   Email Reborn_Phoenix   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Reborn_Phoenix

Very good write. It was well written with a few errors that could e fixed, mostly those of flow.

If you just make it flow smoother then I think it can be a better poem than it already is.
stacylynn418
Junior Member
since 03-06-2009
Posts 40
new york


5 posted 03-07-2009 04:07 PM       View Profile for stacylynn418   Email stacylynn418   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stacylynn418

i think that this is very well writeen, and i actually think it flows nicely.
good work
 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> Not What it Seems? Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors