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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2009-03-02 03:17 PM

i close my eyes
and listen to the thump of my heart beating
re-reading these notes for double meanings
but its all here
in black and white
and your facade is running thin
with every line

i can see through your fallacies
your imperfections are an infectous disease
back away, back away
this is not what it seems
this is what makes your dreams
interpret the insipid
this person that i once called friend

~ you cant run from yourself ~

[This message has been edited by Clockwork_Orange (03-02-2009 10:14 PM).]

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2009-03-02 09:26 PM

I sorta understood this.. but they ending through me off... The meaning at the end

"your imperfections are an infectious disease
back away, back away"

I understood it as that you don't want to be imperfect? I might be miss-translating it but I don't know. I like your wording in your first stanza though.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2009-03-02 10:33 PM

Hey Zach I think your "mis-translating" what it means, I think I understand it clearly.

"your imperfections are an infectous disease
back away, back away"

These are actually my favorite lines, I really like this poem, and I can relate,too.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

3 posted 2009-03-03 09:52 AM

Oh! I got it now! Now that you added that last line it made much more sense.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

Reborn_Phoenix
Junior Member

since 2009-03-04

Posts 11

4 posted 2009-03-04 01:13 AM

Very good write. It was well written with a few errors that could e fixed, mostly those of flow.

If you just make it flow smoother then I think it can be a better poem than it already is.

stacylynn418
Junior Member

since 2009-03-06

Posts 40
new york

5 posted 2009-03-07 04:07 PM

i think that this is very well writeen, and i actually think it flows nicely.
good work

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