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Teen Poetry #9
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In Your Head
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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In Your Head |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
I see your thoughts, of me you think Your life revolves around a dream I reeled you in with just one wink I now reside inside your head I might escape this lonely place You would enjoy that kind pardon Too bad I would desire your face You now exist with me always |
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| © Copyright 2009 Michaela J. McHone - All Rights Reserved | |||
Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
This is good but I am not sure what your pattern is..? I counted 9,8,7,7.. I think.. Its still early morning and I'm tired. Haahaha.  -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Ummm, well it's SUPPOSED to be 8,8,8,8. I think I count "desire" differently then others though. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Hmmmm... I'll have to recount it later. I'm going shopping.  Be back later. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Ooooh, I wanna shop!! Lol... Alrighty, Geez I still can't get even the pattern right. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
hey no worries michaela, This is really good, it does have a pattern of 8,8,8,8. you got the pattern right. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Yay!! Now I just need to work on meter. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
On second thoughts maybe you can ignore my comment to you in Christine's thread, because I just read this: I see your thoughts, of me you think Your life revolves around a dream I reeled you in with just one wink I now reside inside your head I might escape this lonely place You would enjoy that kind pardon Too bad I would desire your face You now exist with me always Which is more or less perfectly iambic, (though not pentameter of course, but that doesn't matter). Obviously you can do it! So maybe 50 lines is on. Remember - blank verse: iambic pentameter: da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM and no end rhyme. |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England |
I'm noticing a lot of pattern obsession developing in this forum. Sure, use patterns when they add to the poem but discard them if they choke it. This is an excellent poem however. Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Suncleaver I am not entirely sure what you mean by "pattern", but in any event I think the word "obsession" is a little strong. Some of the people here are simply trying to learn about one of the most fundamental aspects of ALL poetry: stress and rhythm - and to my mind that is really great because without such understanding you are severely handicapped in your poetic advancement. I guess it all depends what you meant by "pattern". If you are referring to the simple counting of syllables then I would be inclined to agree with you. I have never been a great fan of syllabics - imo they don't have a great deal to do with the rhythm of English. On the other hand if you are referring to stress patterning, i.e. the way in which different emphasis and length is assigned to different syllables, then I completely disagree. In my view, whatever poetry you want to write, whether it be form poetry, rap, spoken, free verse or any combination, you definitely need to have a good grasp of poetic meter and the way that sounds interract. If in order to appreciate stress and meter you have to obsess a bit while you are learning, then I think that is fine. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: In my craft and sullen art Syllabics play quite a part. Another hack also used This form that is much abused Did you mean that high cue stuff? If so - well that’s fair enough.  |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Thanks Moonbeam! I've been working on my blank verse, but I'm haveing difficulty recognizing stresses in small words such as 'it', 'you', 'me', 'in', etc... That's probably where I will mess this up. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
LOL Grinch Ok ok why did I just know when I typed my reply above that you'd show up with DT in tow. Anyway it's true, I don't see the point of syllabics just for the sake of them - but obviously a great poem is a great poem, and if it happens to be syllabic well fine .Now go away and stop trying to trip me up. Heh. And you are right, Hi Kew isn't my favourite garden. (Cool poem in CA btw .) |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Michaela You should probably assume most little words are unstressed. But then on the other hand check out what I said to Christine in her thread. The reply where I mention Robert Pinsky. Cheers. M |
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