How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 War
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

War

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 02-18-2009 08:53 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Here's another try at the pattern. The pattern is 7,7,7,7. I don't really like the ending too much but oh well..  


The air remains in silence
Forever holding its breath
Snow falling like autumn leaves
Standing in the sea of death

Unmarked graves of the lost lives
Catching the scent of deep fear
Gun fire cutting the air
The cold and broken lie here

Dark tree's silhouette the sky
Pure snow stained in scarlet red
Vital sign growing so weak
Another man laying dead

Another soul flies on high
Snow falls unto the soil
He was just another man
Caught within the turmoil

© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


1 posted 02-18-2009 08:57 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

i love this poem. i really like poetry about war issues. i believe there is so much to say. AWESOME poem
JennJenn
Junior Member
since 02-18-2009
Posts 20
Canada


2 posted 02-18-2009 09:00 PM       View Profile for JennJenn   Email JennJenn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JennJenn

Great job! I really like this poem. It's very powerful
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 02-18-2009 09:03 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Wow, this was good, and the pattern was great, yet again!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


4 posted 02-19-2009 09:07 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Is soil one syllable of two?? I don't know. Lol..Probably my accent messing me up on that word though. It tends to do that a lot. Lol..

I really like this poem. War isn't exactly my thing. You make it into nice poetry though.
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


5 posted 02-19-2009 05:12 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I thought it was two. I said it as (soy-ill) so I counted two but I might be wrong.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


6 posted 02-19-2009 06:34 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

i think your right zach
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


7 posted 02-19-2009 07:25 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

you know what I think soil can have either 1 or 2 syllables depending on how you pronounce it, so you and michaela I believe are both right

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


8 posted 02-21-2009 08:50 AM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

I liked this, you have some beautiful imagery going on in there.

Dark tree's silhouette the sky
Pure snow stained in scarlet red
Vital sign growing so weak
Another man laying dead

This was my faouvrite stanza.

Rymthm could of done with a little tweaking here or there. Or maybe i was just reading it wrong. Anyway, good stuff.
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


9 posted 02-21-2009 09:29 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Ahhhhh!!! I hate being from a hicktown! I say everything differently lol
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


10 posted 02-21-2009 11:42 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Lol Don't worry Michaela! I live in central Illinois. We're known for not having good grammer. Its prolly why I can't get the whole stress idea. Ugh Oh well. I'll keep at it. Wishing best of luck!

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


11 posted 02-21-2009 03:29 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I'm sad to say I might have a slight advantage, since I'm from LA, but you guys are technically ahead of me by a year or 2.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


12 posted 02-21-2009 07:15 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

I don't get it. How are we ahead of her?

&& that's so not fair to us. This stuff is difficult for ppl with trouble even saying the words! lol
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


13 posted 02-21-2009 08:48 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

You guys are ahead, because i'm learning this at 17, while you guys are learning at 15/16, I wish i was you guys, i wish i was learning this a year or two ago.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


14 posted 02-22-2009 08:28 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

It really doesn't matter when you learn it. Its how you use it when learned. If that makes any sense.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> War Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors