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 You need to feel
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Passions in Poetry

You need to feel

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JennJenn
Junior Member
since 02-18-2009
[First Post] 20
Canada


0 posted 02-18-2009 08:02 PM       View Profile for JennJenn   Email JennJenn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JennJenn

I just wrote this today. I'm quite proud of it, but I know it could probably use some work. Thanks for taking the time to read it. I really appreciate it


You need to feel in order to live
You need a heart in order to give
You need a brain to know whatís right
And you need strength to stand up and fight

But the feelings you feel arenít really good
And your heart feels things you donít feel it should
Your brain knows that whatís right is now wrong
And your strength is faded, you donít feel strong

Whatís really cool, though, is that:

The feelings you feel, in order to live
Need your heart, to know how much to give
Your brain does the things that it knows are right
And your strength is there, it just needs you to fight

So donít give up, youíve got all you need
The things that you need will help you succeed
Your body, your mind, your heart and your soul
Will help you to open up as you grow

So remember this, next time you feel weak
The things you need arenít always the things that you seek
Remember that soon, something will give
And you need to feel, in order to live

© Copyright 2009 Jenn - All Rights Reserved
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


1 posted 02-18-2009 08:08 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Wow, I really like this. It's really good, the only thing is that you should add some imagery into your poetry

Oh and Welcome to Pip!!!


With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.
JennJenn
Junior Member
since 02-18-2009
Posts 20
Canada


2 posted 02-18-2009 08:25 PM       View Profile for JennJenn   Email JennJenn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JennJenn

Thanks  

I try to use little imagery, and more things that will make my readers think. I write a lot of stuff for my former social worker, and she uses it to show to her clients and try to introduce them to journaling. So I find it helpful to use little imagery, but I do agree that I should start, as it can make my stuff more powerful and more connected.
Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


3 posted 02-18-2009 09:08 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I really like this! Nice even flow to it and a nice message. Great job! Keep it up.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


4 posted 02-18-2009 10:08 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Wow, this is fantastic. The only thing i might consider editing would be the line:

"What's really cool though, is that:"

it just seemed to through off the flow of the rest of the poem. But either than that i LOVED it. And it was very encouraging for me. My favorite lines were,

But the feelings you feel arenít really good
And your heart feels things you donít feel it should
Your brain knows that whatís right is now wrong
And your strength is faded, you donít feel strong.

Again, fantastic write. I will be reading more. Welcome to pip.
[library]

{~~*~~}

Emmalee Janelle
   {~~*~~}

JennJenn
Junior Member
since 02-18-2009
Posts 20
Canada


5 posted 02-18-2009 11:02 PM       View Profile for JennJenn   Email JennJenn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JennJenn

Thanks

About the line that's a bit off,

I know about that. I want to fix it, but for now, I think it'll work, just because the people who're going to be reading it are younger and I think that that line is kinda kid-friendly just because it's not very uniform.

When I go over it again I'll try to think about something, though, that fits a little better, because you're 100% right.
 
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