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Confused

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GothicCherry
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since 09-16-2008
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0 posted 02-18-2009 06:59 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for GothicCherry

This makes absolutely no sense. I just got bored and thought I might as well post one of my scribblings.

With the stress of life upon my shoulders
And ambitions taking over
It is hard to find a rest for breathing
So now my freedom is wreathing

I would like to know if the pattern is correct in this one. 10,8,10,8????
© Copyright 2009 Michaela J. McHone - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
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1 posted 02-18-2009 07:46 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Your pattern and counting is correct. I like this actually. Its a little too short for me but that's just me. I like it. Congrats you wrote a poem using meter!! Yay!!!!

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
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2 posted 02-18-2009 07:49 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

um sorry to burst your bubble but your not quite using a meter just a pattern but its an awesome start!!!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.
Falling rain
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3 posted 02-18-2009 07:54 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Well you must have a pattern in meter right? So in a way she is using meter... right?

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
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4 posted 02-18-2009 08:02 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

no, i don't think so, we can ask moonbeam, tho

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

freeand2sexy
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5 posted 02-18-2009 08:12 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Wait i think i see a meter, tho i think you messed up just a little bit.

Hey could you show me where the stresses are if you were trying to use a meter


With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

[This message has been edited by freeand2sexy (02-18-2009 08:59 PM).]

nina1522
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6 posted 02-18-2009 08:34 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

hey wuick question ive been trying to ask moonbeam a question but i havnt been able to find a way to contact him. so you know how ?
GothicCherry
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7 posted 02-19-2009 08:31 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Well, I didn't intend for it to have any meter. I was just venting a little and decided it had a pattern when I'd completed it. Will someone please show me the stresses in it? I have an idea, but I'm not exactly sure.
freeand2sexy
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8 posted 02-19-2009 05:02 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

With the STRESS of LIFE up ON my SHOUL ders
And am BI tions TAK ing O ver
It is HARD to FIND a REST for BREATH ing
So NOW my FREE dom is WREATH ing

It seems to be consistent till you get to the final line, then its off a bit.

And Iím just curious, what did you mean in the last line

ďSo now my freedom is wreathingĒ

Not that its wrong, just want to know.

But fix the final line so it's the same as the others and the poem will flow much better.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

moonbeam
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9 posted 02-19-2009 05:53 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Only just seen this.  Christine is broadly right.  The poem is primarily trochaic DUM da, with a few bumps here and there especially the last line.

Zach, you really really need to forget the idea that METER is simply about counting syllables.  Meter depends on the sound properties words, principaly the stress of their syllables.  In order to understand meter you HAVE to be able to hear the emphasis on the various syllables.  Think of it as a drummer in a band.  If he just beat out exactly the same intensity and length of beat each time he hit the drum there would be no pattern or variation just a dum dum dum dum.  But he doesn't he beats out dum da duuum daaa da da dum duuum da da.  Hence you get a tune!  Words are the same.  Just as not every drum beat is equal so not every syllable is equal.  Try going around saying various multi syllable words out loud till you start to hear which part of the word you emphasise and which you don't.  
GothicCherry
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10 posted 02-20-2009 09:04 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Ummm, another quick question...

Are there words that could be stressed and unstressed at different times?
moonbeam
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11 posted 02-20-2009 11:46 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Michaela

Check out this:
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum108/HTML/000178-2.html#27
 
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