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 inevitable emotions
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Passions in Poetry

inevitable emotions

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nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


0 posted 02-17-2009 08:13 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for nina1522


im still new to this whole poetry thing. no one has read any of my poetry before this website so im would love some tips and critisicm, i need all the help i can get.With all my heart,THANK YOU.

unspoken  anger pulses through my body,
foriegn thoughts fill my head
entangling me in confusion.
Involuntary actions leak out of my closed mouth and pores.


i know it weak and not that good. So please be honest and just tell me what i need to do.
© Copyright 2009 nina1522 - All Rights Reserved
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


1 posted 02-17-2009 09:51 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I was reading another poem you posted as well and i absolutely love your word choice. You should work on your stucture, tho.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


2 posted 02-18-2009 11:17 AM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

thank you very much. honestly tho i have no idea how or what good structure is. i just wrote whaqt i thought and guessed where to end the lines. haha. any pointers?
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 02-18-2009 11:45 AM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Hey if you need any help i could help you, or there's plenty of people on Pip that wouldn't mind helping you as well. send me an email if you want.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


4 posted 02-18-2009 06:17 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Follow Christine's advice on the structure part. She has a good idea to how to fix a poem.

Structure does need some work and some stronger thoughts would help a bit too I do believe. That's just my opinion though.
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


5 posted 02-18-2009 07:18 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

if you were going to structure this poem, how would you (gothcherry) go about doing this?
Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


6 posted 02-18-2009 07:51 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

"Structure refers to several poetic elements. The line is one of the basic building blocks of poems. How you organize your lines, how your strophes look (if they're stanzaic or 'freeform'), all of this goes to structure. In addition, how your poem proceeds from its beginning to its end--its twists, turns and tangents--also has to do with structure."

That's what structure is basically. Just sorta the story line and how you tell your poem (or story) I like your choice of words in this. But like everyone else said structure is off. Keep trying!!

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

JennJenn
Junior Member
since 02-18-2009
Posts 20
Canada


7 posted 02-18-2009 07:56 PM       View Profile for JennJenn   Email JennJenn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JennJenn

Other than the structural aspects, as the others have said, i really like this
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


8 posted 02-18-2009 08:25 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

thank you very much for clarifing that zach.
im actually going to revise this and attempt to put it into a better structure.
 
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