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Passions in Poetry

Weather (Imagery Poem)

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Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 02-16-2009 12:59 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Cobble stones lie
Under the dark silk sky
Leafs dance around my feet
Upon my cheek the summer heat

The sun cast its last farewell
With all its colors bright as hell
The heavens filled with mercury stars
A faint reminder of where we are

Moon smiles at me under its light
Conquering over twilight
Shadows following me like a lost pet
Like my memories that I can't forget

Clear skies leave me alone
As church bells drone
Raindrops fall upon the earth
Dark clouds giving birth

Lamps being lit as I run to hide
I'll take some shelter inside
Settle down inside this nest
While cloudy skies rain in the west

(So this poem is pretty much about imagery doesn't have a great story line but its pretty much a forced poem.)
© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
Octave
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since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


1 posted 02-16-2009 03:33 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

I quite liked this actually. I think its one of my favourites from you so far. You have some very pretty imagery going on there. There are some vrry nice lines, which give a clear picture in the mind. There were a couple of lines here and there where the rythme was off, distracting me from the poem itself. Its important to get the flow of the poem right. Read it out loud and see how it feels on your tongue.
Overall, nice stuff, keep it up. (:
freeand2sexy
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since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 02-16-2009 04:37 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I like this, too!

I would tell you that if you learned to write using some kind meter in your poems, your poetry would become absolutely amazing, but i'm afaid that i would confuse you like i did to Michaela.

But i guess i just did tell you, lol!

I'm feelin a lil stupid today!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Suncleaver
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since 01-18-2009
Posts 480
Stafford England


3 posted 02-16-2009 06:14 PM       View Profile for Suncleaver   Email Suncleaver   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Suncleaver

I've watched your poetry grow with great interest Zach, you have a fantastic gift for imagery.

I have to agree with Freeand2sexy, learn to experiment with different meters and rhyme structures. I started off writing rhymeless 'Stream of Conciousness' poetry in the dark section and after finding love again afte my fiancee's death five years ago and learning the techniques of rhyme and meter, I think I've improved.

I think you will too. It's at least worth a shot.

Here's to a bright future Zach.

Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told.

Falling rain
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4 posted 02-16-2009 06:38 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Thank you very much guys for all your pleasant comments. One question though. What is a meter 'cause I hear that word a lot and I'm not too clear on what it is. Would anyone please explain a little? Please and thanks!

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
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since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


5 posted 02-16-2009 07:30 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

michaela posted in the Q&A asking how to use meter
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum13/HTML/001448.html
GothicCherry
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since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


6 posted 02-16-2009 07:56 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Ha! Yea I did get very confused. The explanation they gave me in the Q & A helped a lot though. It'll take me some time to learn it I'm afraid.

This is a very pretty piece. I like how different it is from your other poems.

Definately one of my favorites.
 
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