How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 Broken Valentine
 1 2 3 4 5 6
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Broken Valentine

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 02-15-2009 06:08 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

ALONE Pictures, Images and Photos

Was I that foolish?
That desperate for a need
To be in the arms of another
The warnings I did not heed

It happened just as fast
As it had came to me.
Love is what they call it
But I was too blind to see

Ignorance is bliss they say
And I fell into that trap
My heart a burden
Just an empty gap

He fooled around with others
While I kept on smiling unknowing
Sitting here in regret
My heart now needs sewing

And as I lay here
Waving good bye
To you and your love
It was nothing more then lies

(This is pretty short for most the stuff that I write. I tried working on the structure but I know its pretty off. Enjoy?)
© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


1 posted 02-15-2009 06:35 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I like this, especially the 3rd stanza, but your right, the structure is off, i would fix the last stanza first, it doesn't really flow.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


2 posted 02-15-2009 06:54 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Yes, the structure is off, but something else bothered me in this particular poem.

There are a few cliches in some of the lines that could be said in a more original way. I know you use words well so that kind of shocked me to see in your work.

Besides that I really liked it.
Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 03-23-2007
Posts 623
Space Camp, IN


3 posted 02-15-2009 07:14 PM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange

this is pretty good man. keep it up.

will you check out some of my new stuff. i think i hit a good writing spell.

~ you cant run from yourself ~

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


4 posted 02-15-2009 07:29 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Yeah I know. I was sorta just writing what came to mind. Its not really my best. But I love the picture I posted with it

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


5 posted 02-17-2009 08:21 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

yeah i like the picture too but i love your poem. it flowed very well.
rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 05-28-2007
Posts 541
usa


6 posted 02-18-2009 12:02 AM       View Profile for rebelangelv   Email rebelangelv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rebelangelv

omgoodness gracious. this was amazingggg! going in the library

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> Broken Valentine Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors