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Passions in Poetry

This Beds A Stranger

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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 03-23-2007
Posts 623
Space Camp, IN


0 posted 02-15-2009 11:04 AM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange

just cut me deep
make a scar that lasts
so i can never
forget the past
so many months
of the same old thing
just broke us down
and now we're playing the blame game

these words are killing me
im falling apart and i know you can see
that i cant cope, no i cant breath
unless your here and i know you believe

the lipstick stains on the satin sheets
remind me of better weeks
where the sun could hide and maybe die
and we would laugh lying in the moonlight

but now this beds a stranger
without you here
and the nights are longer
my thoughts so unclear

im lost in a hell
made by two
this cigarette smoke
just reminds me of you

these words are killing me
just come home so that we can speak
i need you now, babe i need you right now
because im drowning in lonely
© Copyright 2009 Bryan Lucas - All Rights Reserved
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


1 posted 02-15-2009 11:08 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

*Cough! Cough!*

I got so wrapped up in it then it mentioned smoke and I could really imagine it. You put this piece together well.
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


2 posted 02-17-2009 08:18 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

great job. i really liked your poem. great imagery
rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 05-28-2007
Posts 541
usa


3 posted 02-18-2009 12:06 AM       View Profile for rebelangelv   Email rebelangelv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rebelangelv

this was amazing !!! DD
needs a little work on the structure...changing back and forth makes it a little hard to flow.
but other than that, great job!!!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 07-08-2006
Posts 832
Australia


4 posted 02-18-2009 06:01 AM       View Profile for RevengeIsMine   Email RevengeIsMine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RevengeIsMine

I loved it.. I always love it..

True Legend forever and always!
JennJenn
Junior Member
since 02-18-2009
Posts 20
Canada


5 posted 02-18-2009 07:59 PM       View Profile for JennJenn   Email JennJenn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JennJenn

Wow, that's all I can really say. I can really connect with it, and I think it's a wonderful thing when the readers connect with what the writer is trying to portray
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


6 posted 02-19-2009 05:55 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Great imagery. I really liked it.

{~~*~~}

Emmalee Janelle
   {~~*~~}

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


7 posted 02-19-2009 06:20 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Okay this was little to say astounding.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

 
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