secrets don't make friends

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I am the arch angel
Member

since 2008-02-02

Posts 167
nowhere,illinois,USA

0 posted 2009-02-14 02:35 AM

HOLY freakin crap i haven't been on here in forever...well here it goes..this is gonna really suck so...brace yourselves!!!

You may leave me out now
but i won't stay out forever
because i know something you don't know
and i won't tell you ever

don't you wish you knew
but i keep my secrets
secrets that get out
aren't secrets if its bigger than a few

No matter, where I'm at
i'll always know
be careful
curiosity killed the cat

i learned something today
that i won't ever need
but you want to learn
you can't, thats the price you pay

it'll come to you near the end
but will it be too late
you'll regret the day you spoke
because secrets don't make friends
thanks for reading

If its at its worst don't stop believing, because I'm right here and I'm not leaving

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2009-02-14 10:42 AM

Holy poo-on-a-stick Keagan!! You posted another poem! Its been forever since your last post!! This poem was good. Only critique I got is the first stanza isn't like the rest. Like first line rhymed with the third. When the rest rhymed with the forth.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2009-02-14 12:42 PM

I like this, but i think you should add some more structure to your poem and take out the cliche in the 3rd stanza.

I know you can come up with something better than "curiosity killed the cat"

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

I am the arch angel
Member

since 2008-02-02

Posts 167
nowhere,illinois,USA

3 posted 2009-02-14 01:22 PM

cut me some slack guys...i haven't written in forever...im rusty and anyways it was just random stuff...who cares

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

4 posted 2009-02-14 01:57 PM

sry, just trying to help.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

5 posted 2009-02-14 08:54 PM

Same here dude. I was just trying to help a little.

GothicCherry
Member

since 2008-09-16

Posts 471
TN

6 posted 2009-02-15 10:44 AM

Lol, I liked this. The idea was good even though the structure was a bit off. Nice work to have not written in awhile.

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

7 posted 2009-02-15 10:49 AM

sweet man. really good word choice here.

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