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 secrets don't make friends
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Passions in Poetry

secrets don't make friends

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I am the arch angel
Member
since 02-02-2008
Posts 169
nowhere,illinois,USA


0 posted 02-14-2009 02:35 AM       View Profile for I am the arch angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for I am the arch angel

HOLY freakin crap i haven't been on here in forever...well here it goes..this is gonna really suck so...brace yourselves!!!


You may leave me out now
but i won't stay out forever
because i know something you don't know
and i won't tell you ever

don't you wish you knew
but i keep my secrets
secrets that get out
aren't secrets if its bigger than a few

No matter, where I'm at
i'll always know
be careful
curiosity killed the cat

i learned something today
that i won't ever need
but you want to learn
you can't, thats the price you pay

it'll come to you near the end
but will it be too late
you'll regret the day you spoke
because secrets don't make friends
thanks for reading

If its at its worst don't stop believing, because I'm right here and I'm not leaving

© Copyright 2009 Keagan lear - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


1 posted 02-14-2009 10:42 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Holy poo-on-a-stick Keagan!! You posted another poem! Its been forever since your last post!! This poem was good. Only critique I got is the first stanza isn't like the rest. Like first line rhymed with the third. When the rest rhymed with the forth.

-Zach  

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 02-14-2009 12:42 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I like this, but i think you should add some more structure to your poem and take out the cliche in the 3rd stanza.

I know you can come up with something better than "curiosity killed the cat"

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

I am the arch angel
Member
since 02-02-2008
Posts 169
nowhere,illinois,USA


3 posted 02-14-2009 01:22 PM       View Profile for I am the arch angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for I am the arch angel

cut me some slack guys...i haven't written in forever...im rusty   and anyways it was just random stuff...who cares
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


4 posted 02-14-2009 01:57 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

sry, just trying to help.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


5 posted 02-14-2009 08:54 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Same here dude. I was just trying to help a little.
GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


6 posted 02-15-2009 10:44 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Lol, I liked this. The idea was good even though the structure was a bit off. Nice work to have not written in awhile.
Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 03-23-2007
Posts 623
Space Camp, IN


7 posted 02-15-2009 10:49 AM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange

sweet man. really good word choice here.
 
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