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Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 02-10-2009 03:27 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

I don't really like doing non-rhyming, as you are about to see.

ERORR:

I canít help it
If I donít like that
Panicked feeling
That compresses me when
You Get Too Close.

Itís not that I am
Cold hearted
Or just
Lonely
I canít quite explain
That feeling of
Swallowing fear.

I donít want this.
This feeling of
Pressure
That surrounds me when you
Touch me
Or even just
Get close.

I feel like I am
Separate
From the rest of the world
That I live in my
Own bubble
On
My
Own.

I canít help it
I donít want it
But
You can help me
Just donít
Get Too Close.
© Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved
Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 03-23-2007
Posts 623
Space Camp, IN


1 posted 02-10-2009 09:29 PM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange

i feel your emotion here. its really good. i loved your word choice because it made my head really think about exatly what you wanted to get across. i know the feeling thats displayed here.
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 02-11-2009 12:17 AM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I can totally relate and i normally don't care for non-rhyming poems but i really enjoyed this one!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


3 posted 02-11-2009 12:56 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

You did well writing this poem. I prefur ryhming better though. What makes this poem special is that you get your emotions across in short burst of writing. I like that.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 10-23-2007
Posts 330
that So Cal


4 posted 02-12-2009 02:21 AM       View Profile for Assassin_of_Verse   Email Assassin_of_Verse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Assassin_of_Verse

Personally, I like to write free verse these days. Rhyming is very difficult now.

Lol, but I digress. Hmm, I think that although ur words were plain by themselves, ur emotions and intentions gave them color and life.
Good job! It must be strange writing in a style ur not used to.

There is power in the pen.

 
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