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 Indescribable Pie
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Passions in Poetry

Indescribable Pie

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Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 02-05-2009 03:38 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

Indescribable Pie

This twisted sense of high
That carves me from inside
Entangled in my body
Curled inside my mind

Fingers are stretched out
In a blissful sense of joy
Blinding light of happiness
Caused simply by a boy

Makes me want to sing
A tune of many smiles
Until my lungs are burning
To be heard for many miles

Eyes are caught in silence
As I struggle to control
This mass of aching emotion
That hits me like a wall

Words cannot describe
This sequined sense of high
That glints there between us
Begging us to try

I think I know whatís happening
And I really hope Iím right
That this isnít my imagination
Or a misconceiving light

I have finally come to realise
This unearthly sense of joy
Is more than I first thought
That youíre more than just a boy.


Absolutely crap. I apologise greatly.
© Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


1 posted 02-05-2009 05:34 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

What?!? This is crap?? Honey.. Your writing puts my work to shame. I thought it was pretty good. Of course not your best but its far from crap. Only one critic is that the title related to nothing in this poem.. It was very random. lol

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 10-23-2007
Posts 330
that So Cal


2 posted 02-05-2009 11:43 PM       View Profile for Assassin_of_Verse   Email Assassin_of_Verse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Assassin_of_Verse

Sorry, but I refuse to accept this as anything but excellent! (or some other worthy adjective.)
This was well written, and had a smooth rythym. Well, maybe the 4th stanza was a little iffy, but all in all, i enjoyed reading it.

There is power in the pen.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 02-06-2009 08:06 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I can understand why you think this is crap, its definitly not your best but it's still far better than anything i write. It's still a really good poem!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

 
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