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 The One That Got Away.
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Passions in Poetry

The One That Got Away.

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Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 02-05-2009 10:30 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

railroad tracks Pictures, Images and Photos
Love is bliss
What more can I say?
You filled my world with light
Made dark nights bright as day

Your words a lullaby
You always took my breath away
Never ceased to amaze
You always found a way

What made us split?
I'll never know
I just hold onto these photo's
Still loving you so

I'm a sucker for the blue eyed girls
Long legs with a spring in her stride
A down to earth kind of girl
Pearly whites showed when she smiled wide

A sweetness in her touch
A reminder of how much she cared
Spending nights under the stars
Soft secrets we shared

Those nights are nothing more then memories
That will never go astray
You were once my lover, my friend
Now your just the girl that got away

© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


1 posted 02-05-2009 03:14 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

I really like this. very sweet, and you ahve some lovely images in it.

My only crits would be, your rythm [sorry about spelling] is off in places. You could do with a few extra words here and there. Read it out loud. it should flow smoothly and fluently with no stops and starts. This will help you find the weaker spots of the poem, and theny ou can add/remove certain words. The picture goes nicely with this as well.

Nicely done though. Keep it up. (:
Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


2 posted 02-08-2009 10:01 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Thanks. I'll try and see if I can find anything.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 03-23-2007
Posts 623
Space Camp, IN


3 posted 02-08-2009 12:02 PM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange

very nice. i like it. yes i do agree. rhythm is slightly off but not too much. its really good.

~ you cant run from yourself ~

rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 05-28-2007
Posts 541
usa


4 posted 02-08-2009 02:50 PM       View Profile for rebelangelv   Email rebelangelv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rebelangelv

awww i liked it . it was cute.
good job !

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

 
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