Member Rara Avis
Really liked this as well. It has a hard, definable edge that fits extremely well with the darkness of the subject matter.
I'm not typically one to appreciate rhyming (it usually jars and infects my enjoyment of the topic), but this one worked well -- with one exception: I would look at the following stanza (particularly line 2). It jerked me out of a smooth read, and I had to push myself back in.
quote:Perhaps a change as simple as switching "...sin I beg to deny" to "...sin I can't deny." I think those extra syllables (that don't fit with the rest of the format as I read it) are what threw me off.
Heartís a gnawed up mangled slice
Of every sin I beg to deny
Hopeful shadows I do entice
Tongue the sweetness of a lie
Still, a most entertaining read.