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Teen Poetry #9
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Break up (Over your words)
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Break up (Over your words) |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois 
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I can feel it in the wind I can sense it in her smile Its coming to a boiling point And I'm getting burned all the while. Words hanging in her mouth A weapon meant to kill Venomous words Controlled by her will Her decedent lips part My heart sinks to a new low I saw this coming but didn't run Now she left my heart hurting so. I felt it in the wind I should'of gotten up and ran Why didn't I you ask? I started to act like a man. |
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| © Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Ehh I don't know about this one. All I have to say is this poem (i think) is better then my last post.  -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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tearsoflove13762 Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488Texas.. and yes i have an accent |
I like the poem alot... the line " my heart sunk to a new low" could possibly be changed just cause the term 'sinking to a new low' is used alot but it didnt ruin it and I still like the story and how you told it.. keep writing |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
this wasn't the best grammatical and structural work ive read from u, but i really liked it a lot. i could feel the emotion behind it and the story line is, as always, and very good one. just needs a little more work  only a vampire can love you forever. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
"It's coming to a boiling point And I'm getting burned all the while" I loved this!!!!  |
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