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 Break up
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Passions in Poetry

Break up (Over your words)

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Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 01-24-2009 06:42 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain


I can feel it in the wind
I can sense it in her smile
Its coming to a boiling point
And I'm getting burned all the while.

Words hanging in her mouth
A weapon meant to kill
Venomous words
Controlled by her will

Her decedent lips part
My heart sinks to a new low
I saw this coming but didn't run
Now she left my heart hurting so.

I felt it in the wind
I should'of gotten up and ran
Why didn't I you ask?
I started to act like a man.

© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


1 posted 01-24-2009 08:59 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Ehh I don't know about this one. All I have to say is this poem (i think) is better then my last post.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

tearsoflove13762
Member
since 09-05-2004
Posts 490
Texas.. and yes i have an acce


2 posted 01-24-2009 09:50 PM       View Profile for tearsoflove13762   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for tearsoflove13762

I like the poem alot... the line " my heart sunk to a new low" could possibly be changed just cause the term 'sinking to a new low' is used alot but it didnt ruin it and I still like the story and how you told it.. keep writing
rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 05-28-2007
Posts 541
usa


3 posted 01-25-2009 05:59 PM       View Profile for rebelangelv   Email rebelangelv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rebelangelv

this wasn't the best grammatical and structural work ive read from u, but i really liked it a lot. i could feel the emotion behind it and the story line is, as always, and very good one. just needs a little more work

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


4 posted 01-27-2009 11:03 PM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

"It's coming to a boiling point
And I'm getting burned all the while"

I loved this!!!!
 
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