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 Teen Poetry #9
 Regret
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Passions in Poetry

Regret (short and boring poem.)

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Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 01-15-2009 10:06 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain


Counting down the seconds
Until my tears will cease to flow
My chest is in pain again
The remedy I do not know.

My heart is under lock down
Padded up; locked with a key
Can't figure this problem out
No solution I can see.

Target practice with my heart
Shooting arrows from a far
Now I'm drowning in my pain again
Locking myself behind these bars

I let you in and gave you shelter
Within my heart you still hold.
How could I have loved you so much
To let my heart become this cold?
© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


1 posted 01-15-2009 10:35 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

This is really Good!!

It probably would sound better to change line 3 to

My chest, in pain again

line 8 to

No solution that I can see

and line 11 to

Now drowning in pain again

It may help the flow, but i could be wrong.
What do you think?


With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


2 posted 01-15-2009 10:54 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

This is really good Zach, and it isn't boring. It's a fantastic poem, great write.

{~~*~~}

Emmalee Janelle
   {~~*~~}

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 07-08-2006
Posts 832
Australia


3 posted 01-16-2009 03:57 AM       View Profile for RevengeIsMine   Email RevengeIsMine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RevengeIsMine

OMFG.. ZACH.. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM... ITS AMAZING...

This is soo good it could be published.. I LOVE THIS....!!! I'm so jealous it's not mine..
 
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