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 Hold On Pretty Girl (A Crappy Sequal To
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Passions in Poetry

Hold On Pretty Girl (A Crappy Sequal To Clockwork Oranges "If I Bough You An Ocean!"

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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 07-08-2006
Posts 832
Australia


0 posted 01-15-2009 03:14 AM       View Profile for RevengeIsMine   Email RevengeIsMine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for RevengeIsMine


So this has been in the process of being completed since i saw the original poem.. i don't know why but somehow i came up with this... no where near as good as the original and an entirely different theme... but an epic love story at the same time.. ENJOY

___________________________________________________

Standing in these shadows
There’s no clarity ahead
She’s drowning in the darkness
And all those nasty things you said

You never held her close enough
Never tried to dry her tears
You stood there with your eyes closed tight
You’d been doing it for years

So you brought her to an ocean
Then watched her sink down low
She struggled with the raging current
While she hoped she drowned below

She struggled for her one last breathe
As you carried her to shore
Of all the girls you’d tried to love
You’d never loved this hard before

You sat her on the wayward sand
And held her fast and close
Then whispered in her bloodied ear
The words she longed to hear the most

“Stay awake for me... “
“I won’t let you miss a thing”
“I might have given you an ocean”
“But you’ve given me everything.”

The sirens screamed along the beach
That girl was holding on
That ocean wasn’t deep enough
To keep her down for long

All the hours by the hospital bed
Didn’t keep her man away
He placed the flowers by her bedside
With a note that had to stay

“Be strong pretty girl”
“For it seems you’ve got my heart”
“I’ll carry you when things get hard”
“I wish you’d known this from the start”
© Copyright 2009 A Typical Aussie Chick - All Rights Reserved
Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 03-23-2007
Posts 623
Space Camp, IN


1 posted 01-15-2009 08:26 AM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange

haha. man this is just wesome. its way better than anything ive ever written. thats the truth...i guess the wordspinner strikes again. lol
RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 07-08-2006
Posts 832
Australia


2 posted 01-15-2009 06:08 PM       View Profile for RevengeIsMine   Email RevengeIsMine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RevengeIsMine

Oh wow.. its not tht great... infact my writing is getting soppy and tragic these days.. lol.. Thanks for reading!...
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


3 posted 01-15-2009 08:04 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Awe, Jess this is awesome. It's so sweet. I love it. Great write, library for sure.

{~~*~~}

Emmalee Janelle
   {~~*~~}

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


4 posted 01-15-2009 09:11 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Hmm.. "One time ago.. long long ago. A girl by the name of Jess told a boy name Zach never to sell yourself short."

I guess its time I should tell you something.
Its good to be humble but be proud of what your talents are Because your talent is simply amazing and stunning. Don't sell yourself short kiddo. lol
(library)

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 07-08-2006
Posts 832
Australia


5 posted 01-16-2009 04:02 AM       View Profile for RevengeIsMine   Email RevengeIsMine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RevengeIsMine

WOW guys.. thankyou..

And Zach... i love you, but my work still sucks
rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 05-28-2007
Posts 541
usa


6 posted 01-16-2009 07:21 PM       View Profile for rebelangelv   Email rebelangelv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rebelangelv

AMAZING!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


7 posted 01-17-2009 11:59 AM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

Awh, this is lovely. I think its fab. I agree with Zach, be proud of the talent you have. (:
wwzwlmd8
Member
since 09-23-2006
Posts 96
San Diego,CA


8 posted 01-17-2009 07:19 PM       View Profile for wwzwlmd8   Email wwzwlmd8   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wwzwlmd8

this was very good and i really loved reading it

~Indya

prettypinkrebel
Member
since 11-07-2007
Posts 104


9 posted 01-20-2009 08:56 AM       View Profile for prettypinkrebel   Email prettypinkrebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for prettypinkrebel

this was amazing!!!! I think it may be one of your best! I love it, the last stanza was totally perfect!
 
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