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Passions in Poetry

Fragile Crime

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Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 01-12-2009 03:32 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

Fragile Crime

Break my sanity
Doesn't matter
I'm not fragile
I just shatter

Crack the bonds
That bind me be
Mirrored fragments
Set me free

Destroy the cage
That enrages me
Sly glass splinters
Such profanity

This room to small
Muscles tight
Breaking through
Its worth the fight

Creeping cracks
Line my skin
My rage raw
But shell so thin

Break my sanity
Doesn't matter
I'm not fragile
I just shatter
© Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved
Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 10-23-2007
Posts 330
that So Cal


1 posted 01-13-2009 01:00 AM       View Profile for Assassin_of_Verse   Email Assassin_of_Verse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Assassin_of_Verse

Concise, and powerful. I'm surprised that nobody has commented...
Um, maybe punctuation could help? To me, ur poem was like an elegant rant. But the lack of punctuation left it at that.

There is power in the pen.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


2 posted 01-13-2009 07:16 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Awesome!!!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member
since 05-08-2008
Posts 427
Canada


3 posted 01-14-2009 09:26 AM       View Profile for Just.Another.Falling.Star   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Just.Another.Falling.Star's Home Page   View IP for Just.Another.Falling.Star

This poem really intrigued me, it was really well written, but as AOV said earlier, some punctuation might have helped things along.
This was a really great poem filled with very true meanings, i really enjoyed reading it!
library

?ul!@nn@

these broken pieces of my heart are to shattered to be put back together again

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


4 posted 01-14-2009 12:32 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

This is really good. But if you were going for a perfect rhythim then you were off on some lines. Work on the re-wording of the poems. Great work tho!

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 05-28-2007
Posts 541
usa


5 posted 01-17-2009 04:04 PM       View Profile for rebelangelv   Email rebelangelv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rebelangelv

wow...this was really good. great job!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

 
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