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Teen Poetry #9
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You Said
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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You Said |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
also another old sucky one. critque please =D You said we wouldn't be a summer love We'll last till Christmas, if not forever But look what you did to us We're torn apart and severed You said you hated yourself for what you did to me You promised I wouldn't have another New Moon But history repeated itself You replayed your part que to que I'm tired and I'm angry I don't knoow how to live my life How to escape this vicious cycle and cut up all my old ties You said that you loved me "Forever" in my ear you sighed I found that you cannot love because... You lied. only a vampire can love you forever. |
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Assassin_of_Verse Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330that So Cal |
"You said we wouldn't be another summer fling We'll last till Christmas, if not forever But look what you did to us We're torn apart and severed You said you hated yourself for what you did to me You promised I wouldn't have another New Moon But history repeated itself You replayed your part que to que Exhausted and angry, I can't wait to live my life; To escape this vicious cycle and cut up my old ties You said that you loved me "Forever" in my ear you sighed I found that you cannot love because... You lied." A few changes, but I don't know if it's an improvement. It might've changed ur overall meaning, but it was a bit confusing cuz of the lack of punctuation. Overall, it wasn't too bad. I liked the Twilight reference :] There is power in the pen. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Was the New Moon idea from the Twilight books by any chance? |
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