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 You Said
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Passions in Poetry

You Said

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rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 05-28-2007
Posts 541
usa


0 posted 01-07-2009 12:17 AM       View Profile for rebelangelv   Email rebelangelv   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for rebelangelv

also another old sucky one. critque please =D


You said we wouldn't be a summer love
We'll last till Christmas, if not forever
But look what you did to us
We're torn apart and severed

You said you hated yourself for what you did to me
You promised I wouldn't have another New Moon
But history repeated itself
You replayed your part que to que

I'm tired and I'm angry
I don't knoow how to live my life
How to escape this vicious cycle
and cut up all my old ties

You said that you loved me
"Forever" in my ear you sighed
I found that you cannot love because...

You lied.

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

© Copyright 2009 leah nelson - All Rights Reserved
Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 10-23-2007
Posts 330
that So Cal


1 posted 01-07-2009 01:01 AM       View Profile for Assassin_of_Verse   Email Assassin_of_Verse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Assassin_of_Verse

"You said we wouldn't be another summer fling
We'll last till Christmas, if not forever
But look what you did to us
We're torn apart and severed

You said you hated yourself for what you did to me
You promised I wouldn't have another New Moon
But history repeated itself
You replayed your part que to que

Exhausted and angry,
I can't wait to live my life;
To escape this vicious cycle
and cut up my old ties

You said that you loved me
"Forever" in my ear you sighed
I found that you cannot love because...

You lied."

A few changes, but I don't know if it's an improvement. It might've changed ur overall meaning, but it was a bit confusing cuz of the lack of punctuation.
Overall, it wasn't too bad. I liked the Twilight reference :]

There is power in the pen.

GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


2 posted 03-20-2009 09:02 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Was the New Moon idea from the Twilight books by any chance?
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