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 My Spark
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Passions in Poetry

My Spark

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gdcod2player
Member
since 07-26-2008
Posts 116


0 posted 01-05-2009 07:15 PM       View Profile for gdcod2player   Email gdcod2player   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for gdcod2player


Iím not everything you could ask for
But I want to try to be most of it
Is there nothing left for you here?
I thought I could help you out

Why did you leave me in this blood?
Why did you leave me alone here?
Can I keep you from crying out in pain?
I want to win the game you want to play
I want to paint you a picture
Of everything that amounts to your heart

Is there anything I can do?
I wish you were listening to everything
I want you to hear me
Iím scared of the things you might find
I donít want to keep secrets
I donít want you to keep your distance

I canít keep living like this
You took my spark
The first time I laid eyes on your pretty face
You laughed and said ďbyeĒ
The last time I ever got to talk to you
And it needs to be real again
This broke me apart
Now I canít find a new fire
The spark is gone

God please let her find out who I am
Let me have it back so I can talk to that pretty girl
I wish life wasnít so unfair
Then I could find you and leave you a card or note
© Copyright 2009 gdcod2player - All Rights Reserved
wanderingmonk
New Member
since 01-05-2009
Posts 7


1 posted 01-05-2009 10:38 PM       View Profile for wanderingmonk   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wanderingmonk

I found I could relate to your poem a lot.  That yearning, that  
paralyzed feeling of helplessness.  

Its nice to know someone else can feel that way.
I really enjoyed it.  
Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 10-23-2007
Posts 330
that So Cal


2 posted 01-05-2009 10:41 PM       View Profile for Assassin_of_Verse   Email Assassin_of_Verse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Assassin_of_Verse

It was a little wordy, but I liked ur overall emotion. The word "spark" caught my eye (maybe cuz it was in the title...), but I liked it for some reason.

You might want to condense ur words, just a suggestion. :]

There is power in the pen.

GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


3 posted 01-30-2009 08:56 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

It's nice, but the over abundance of words throws people off I think. It did me.
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


4 posted 01-30-2009 05:08 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I'd have to agree with the rest on here. A little too wordy but not too bad.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know itís not for me, thatís when Iíll miss you.

 
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