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 Years of the soul
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Passions in Poetry

Years of the soul

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rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 06-09-2006
Posts 1304
California


0 posted 01-03-2009 12:15 AM       View Profile for rhia_5779   Email rhia_5779   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for rhia_5779


Learning to swim in the frigid ocean
water breaking above my  head
opening my stinging eyes to the texture
of salty water, swirling around my face
a looking glass to another world
one of vivid contrasts between dead lava
and living hues of colour painted onto coral


blue water explodes into droplets- of broken waves
ashes of breaking waves- memories of enormous storms
droplets are like the shells dotting the coastline
fragments of the whole they were once a part of


fiery reds and lemon yellows create a glowing sea
-ethereal colours mixed into a melting pot of wilderness-
-wild beauty given breath and heartbeats by ancient forces-
staring into the depths feeling the rhythm of drifting currents.
Lying on the surface of an atmosphere that embodies
the force of time. I have a lurid view of a world,my weak eyes
a won't come to truly see until my soul has gained many years.
My fragile body will have disapated into the earth before my soul
returns to this place able to comprehend its unveiled beauty
-freedom- wild power- ancient past-

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GothicCherry
Member
since 09-16-2008
Posts 471
TN


1 posted 03-20-2009 08:57 AM       View Profile for GothicCherry   Email GothicCherry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GothicCherry

Enjoyed...
moonbeam
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Member Elite
since 12-24-2005
Posts 2038


2 posted 03-20-2009 05:30 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Hi Rhia,

Your poetry has I think grown since we last spoke and this poem has a lot to like and build on.  But it's still suffering from a few common problems.  Have a careful read of this if you want:

http://www.essortment.com/all/criticismsonpo_rjmv.htm

and if you have the time and inclination you could then have a go a telling me what is perhaps not so great about this poem.

Not if you don't want to of course  

M

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