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Passions in Poetry

Your Broken

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voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 10-19-2007
Posts 583
New York


0 posted 03-11-2012 12:27 AM       View Profile for voice2bheard   Email voice2bheard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit voice2bheard's Home Page   View IP for voice2bheard

I need you severly right now
But your broken
I could use your help so much this instant
But your broken
I didnt realize how much you helped me
But now your broken
I wish I treated you better
And of course your broken
Why do all the bad things happen to me?
Guess it doesnt matter now, cause your broken
We've done great things together
But people will never know, now that your broken
You always went everywhere with me
But now you won't, cause your broken
I regret not treating you better in my life
Yet you wont see another day, because your broken
Things will never be the same anymore
They never were anyway, but now there broken
I'm not like others, thats why you were in my life
But now your gone, again your broken
Another thing gone wrong in my life
Couldn't I have just one thing go right?
My life is lossed, just an ongoing curse
Next thing I know, I'll be the one hurt
From my life to yours, never stolen
You wont take my apology
You'll forever remain Broken

Kate

© Copyright 2012 Kate - All Rights Reserved
voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 10-19-2007
Posts 583
New York


1 posted 03-11-2012 12:29 AM       View Profile for voice2bheard   Email voice2bheard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit voice2bheard's Home Page   View IP for voice2bheard

Just let me know what you think it is? Or if its even great? I haven't really written much in forever!!

Kate

maddorani
Member
since 11-18-2007
Posts 419
houston,tx


2 posted 03-11-2012 03:15 PM       View Profile for maddorani   Email maddorani   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for maddorani

i really enjoyed it but instead of lossed it should be lost and lossed is not a word hope that helps. i loved it
voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 10-19-2007
Posts 583
New York


3 posted 03-11-2012 10:35 PM       View Profile for voice2bheard   Email voice2bheard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit voice2bheard's Home Page   View IP for voice2bheard

well thats the way i saw it i didnt exactly want it to say "lost" i wanted it like "loss" w/the "ED" whether its a word or not? To me I thought it looked better and its my writing regardless of how words are "meant to be spelled" you know what I mean?! But thanks!!

Kate_Mcfee (Lily's Mom)

byski
Member
since 01-26-2006
Posts 227
Alberta, Canada


4 posted 09-18-2012 04:49 AM       View Profile for byski   Email byski   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit byski's Home Page   View IP for byski

Yeah, lossed kind of stuck out for me as well. But I think I do see what you are getting at with it. I did like finding 'broken' scattered around the text, kind of like it slapped you in the face each time you saw it.

Two thoughts; whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I was broken and in a weird way am glad I was. Makes it easier to get along and such. The second is the question 'why me?' left me to thinking. If we are writing this about a broken friend, why are we thinking about ourselves being victimized? Not sure if you meant it that way, but I could ponder that moot point all night.
voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 10-19-2007
Posts 583
New York


5 posted 12-14-2012 01:10 AM       View Profile for voice2bheard   Email voice2bheard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit voice2bheard's Home Page   View IP for voice2bheard

Thank you, well this poem is meant to be taken any way that reader finds themself once broken at a time!

Kate

maddorani1991
Junior Member
since 03-21-2013
Posts 20


6 posted 03-22-2013 03:50 PM       View Profile for maddorani1991   Email maddorani1991   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for maddorani1991

nice write you should check out my stuff. my original user name was maddorani but not anymore.
Walter Poe
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 787


7 posted 06-16-2015 11:55 AM       View Profile for Walter Poe   Email Walter Poe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Walter Poe

Well hate to be picky but 'you're broken' not 'your broken'
devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3559
Too Far North, Cali


8 posted 06-16-2015 01:29 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

Love the tear-drop effect this has
taken in form

"My life is lossed, just an ongoing curse
Next thing I know, I'll be the one hurt"
~outstanding truth and flow here!

I relate to any & all "brokens".. this, no exception.
be wellz, enjoyed
~d

"..But a tyrant spell has bound me,
And I cannot, cannot go.."
~Emily Bronte
'The Night is Darkening Around Me'

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