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Dark Poetry #5
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maddorani
Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423
houston,tx

0 posted 2011-09-23 08:57 PM



Can’t you see how my image is distorted?
Can’t you see how my body is in shambles?
Can’t you see how my body and soul are shattered?
And I’m just living my life in pieces-

As I walk around the neighborhood
I see everything black and white.
As I walk around the neighborhood
People stay away from me as if
I’m some kind of despicable, contaminated,
Abhorrent creature.
As I walk around the neighborhood
My body is a mess and it’s prickling
With thorns hurting and tormenting me.
As I walk around the neighborhood
Both of my courage and hope are
Shattered no one willing to save me.
No matter how much I wait.
No matter how much I crave.
No matter how much I hanker.
As I walk around the neighborhood
I see everything fragmented, and
Defective just like the mirror
Everything is in pieces
Everything is vague and nebulous
Including me.

No one can see these because
These things are within my self
And I fabricated everything that’s
Just like a lie



© Copyright 2011 madiha - All Rights Reserved
LaGraceLa
Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243
Minnesota, USA
1 posted 2011-09-23 09:58 PM


Wow, this is really good! Your writing just gets better and better, amazing job!
maddorani
Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423
houston,tx
2 posted 2011-09-23 10:01 PM


thanks i have a question how can you tell when someone is getting better
LaGraceLa
Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243
Minnesota, USA
3 posted 2011-09-23 10:09 PM


Well you can see new ideas, and the writer begins to play with the meaning a little bit more. The poems start to flow better and fit together more clearly. There is more interesting diction along with better imagery. Poets, and artists of any kind, can grow in many different ways and these are just a few of the more simple ways in which they improve.
maddorani
Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423
houston,tx
4 posted 2011-09-23 10:36 PM


i came up with this when i listened to a line in the song in my language which meant living in pieces and i wanted to comeup with a poem like tht so i came up with this one you should read my betrayal one
priyanka
Member
since 2009-06-15
Posts 216
india
5 posted 2011-10-09 11:29 AM


There is this poem of yours which speaks about how you are now set free- freedom. I like to compare both of them and say you were troubled and now you have reached freedom! bravo!!
priyanka
Member
since 2009-06-15
Posts 216
india
6 posted 2011-10-09 11:30 AM


I see this diffeence because in both you have described your neighbourhood and when I compare I know- You have grown!
maddorani
Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423
houston,tx
7 posted 2011-10-09 01:08 PM


thank you
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