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Dark Poetry #5
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| Dark Poetry #5 |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
plz ignore the other one it was not my best os hopefully this one is  i would like some feedbackThe sun is blazing Beautifully in the Clear blue sky and I’m Just walking until I see a big tree Which is abundant Of green leaves I go Up to the tree and Sit underneath it, As I sit I feel a Cool Wind blowing and The Leaves are rustling As I hear the rhythm I feel peace and calm And all of a sudden I start to doze off As I doze off I See a semblance of An angel with pure white Wings but I can’t see The face I ask the angel Why are you here? Did I do something wrong? Then she said “No you Didn’t do anything Wrong I’m here because Your soul, heart had a Feeling of emptiness Inside of you which Attracted me.” Then I said “I see.” “Also in your mind you Kept on saying Please send someone by My side I saw you Crying all the time so That’s another reason That I’m here.” “yeah I have a emptiness Feeling you don’t know How I feel I am In stuck in a world That’s filled with misery My heart and soul are Both corrupted.” “That’s why I’m here To fix you and give You some hope.” The angel kept on Saying the stuff that I didn’t want to hear Whatever she says It brings tears to my Eyes and it hurts my Soul all of a sudden The angel’s voice start To trail off saying I will always be by Your side as she Disappeared From my dream I Woke up and wondered What was that? Was that a dream? Was that a hallucination? Was that real? Then I start looking Around the tree but No one was there but As I walk away from The tree I hear the Wind blowing again And I can feel the Presence of someone By that tree [This message has been edited by maddorani (09-15-2011 06:12 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2011 madiha - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
A very beautiful idea, but it falls short for me, especially compared to the rest of your poems-- all of which are so well put together and worded. I think what would help is if you took this one and just re did it completely, because you have such a beautiful idea but it gets lost in translation and I know you can write so marvelously. |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thank you i know that this wasn't my best one but i will do better hehe and also i have more new poems to come so look forward to them |
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
I will, I love seeing how your writing grows with every single poem you post. You seem to find yourself more and more as time goes on and it makes your poetry so much more powerful. |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thank you your poems seem to be powerful and i can relate to them also i recently posted new poems called why do i and will i ever get to see you again you should check them out. there are some people that can't express themselves but it's hard to exress yourself in words so i just write because thats the only way i can express myself even though i have freinds but i never let them know what i'm feeling inside and if you would like to know my story behind these poems then let me know also i hate crying and i dont let ppl see me cry i hold back everything inside of me if someone hurts my feelings on the spot i hold back everything and then just wait for the night and cry |
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
I can understand that entirely, and when you find words that express yourself I find it helps you feel so much better. |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
trueeee do you want to know my story |
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