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Dark Poetry #5
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Tea
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Tea |
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pyre Member
since 2008-05-16
Posts 136 |
As I sip my tea I realize the hour is late I should have been to sleep hours ago But of anger and wretch sleep evades me I'm too angry for tea Emotions pass and play I'm rage where demons stay I need something to calm me Perhaps a glass of tea Or even some poetry As I sip my tea Feudal lords war property loss I'm Absent with proof beyond the right Sleep is a comfort which evades even me Now the glass is empty There is no more tea Perhaps a cigarette There is no more tea... Does she pray, or am I prey? |
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| © Copyright 2010 Kenneth Craig Rogers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Earl Brinkman Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183Osaka, Japan |
An interesting poem that held my interest. Nice work. |
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Chavo.wavo Junior Member
since 2010-11-13
Posts 15 |
Your comment is right all poetry is beautiful. I really liked this poem but i feel the message was a little mixed. what were you trying to say with this? |
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pyre Member
since 2008-05-16
Posts 136 |
I've been angry about a few things and I've been unable to sleep as a result... So in the poem I address my anger, mention some alcohol my friend introduced to me as possible a way out, and then realize the "Tea" is gone. And maybe I'll just have to move on... Actually thank you for your question. I could have ended a bit stronger. I'm thinking in the 3rd stanza I the word "with" would fit between the words "war" and "property", and the last line would have made more sense if it had been something like "Tipsy turning is the sleeplessness of me" And then before the 4th stanza I should have hit enter once more and created a bigger gap between the 4th stanza and the rest of the poem to create the sense of waking up from a stupor to realize it would be a better idea to have taken a walk or something. Do you have any suggestions as to how I could have ended better? Does she pray, or am I prey? |
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Chavo.wavo Junior Member
since 2010-11-13
Posts 15 |
I see. Now that i see the message I can totally understand it. I like the ending but maybe perhaps because of the anger and emotion your feeling and the "tea" is an escape, instead of a cigarette, maybe you could say more how you've begun to crave the escape more and how lost you feel? I cannot say for sure because the end result goes with how your emotions are. |
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pyre Member
since 2008-05-16
Posts 136 |
Ok... So in the 4th stanza I could have said in the 3rd line "Absent naked left a cigarette" and in the 4th line "There is no more TEA!!!" emphasizing "tea". Does she pray, or am I prey? |
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mikeandrew Member
since 2010-11-18
Posts 198 |
not enough tea for two,i enjoyed your work |
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