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UNTAMEDelegance
Member
since 2009-05-30
Posts 222
Oregon

0 posted 2010-06-04 04:10 PM


Note: One thing I would just like to point out is the symbolism in calling her Heart of Diamond. I know that one favored metaphor is a 'heart of stone,' but it occurred to me that diamond is harder than stone. So by calling her Heart of Diamond, it's indicating that she's sealed off her heart and toughened it beyond the strength of stone to that of diamonds. Enjoy!

Heart of diamond;
eyes of glass;
piece of paper,
blank as snow.

A white reminder
of the past
Heart of Diamond
doesn’t know.

Blank reminders
of a time
that wiped emotion
from her ken.

For if the slightest
bit was shown,
not a soul
could save her then.

Jade-laced iris,
streaked with pain.
Pitch black pupils
dilate.

Fearful of
the coming rain
of malice; wrath;
unrivaled hate

That paints the bruises;
abstract art
A purple black
menagerie.

A dread reminder
Heart of Diamond
locks deep inside
her memory.


Nothing is more painful than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him. (Unknown)

[This message has been edited by UNTAMEDelegance (06-05-2010 10:25 PM).]

© Copyright 2010 Melissa Reneé Axtell - All Rights Reserved
easy1
Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209
Southeastern USA
1 posted 2010-06-05 01:38 AM


An excellent piece, and the typos(?) actually enhance it - teasing the reader with freudian slips, or whatever. The composition is good to go, imho.

As for the subject... Oh, how often we bounce off submerged rocks, shipwrecks, and other hard "diamonds" in our subconscious minds! How past pain can decondition us for future learning! It certainly can be a very tough and time-consuming navigation lesson.

UNTAMEDelegance
Member
since 2009-05-30
Posts 222
Oregon
2 posted 2010-06-05 10:30 PM


Believe me, none of the typos were intentionally put there. I was trying to alter it from the default setting of Microsoft Word and acidentally typed the wrong things. Thank you for pointing that out! I probably would have never even noticed! =^.^=

                                ~UNTAMEDelegance

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