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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2009-12-21 06:29 AM


Been waiting for a dark write.. This is last nights dream!!..

_______________________

A History Of Violence

He had a bloody history
The lady did not know
They met inside a smoky bar
Where ragged people go.

Across the bar, she met his eyes:
Was that a single tear
Which wandered down his stubbled cheeks
What passion drew him here?

And later, locked within his arms
She knew she loved him so
The neon sign outside the room
Winked with a greenish glow.

They strode into a flash hotel
The concierge flushed red
Gazed down the barrel of a gun
Aimed at his high-class head.

"Security!" his voice rang out
But too late was his call
The gun flashed fire. His brains were spread
Upon the painted wall.

They snatched the cash, and fled outside
Into the dusty sun
And found the law in sirened cars
Each with a loaded gun.

She looked into his smiling eyes
And saw her coming death:
His gun flashed fire. The law replied
They breathed their final breath.

And lay,in a broken, bloody heap
Upon the sidewalk there
Their blood commingled in the dust
Like rubies, in her hair.


© Copyright 2009 A Typical Aussie Chick - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

1 posted 2009-12-28 01:21 AM


Ah a fellow harvester of dreams .  It's always so fun to take a dream you've had and turn it into a poem or story isn't it?

Anyway, on with this poem.  I loved the final line.  It's cool the way you've taken the woman's beauty and mixed it into the blood running from the two bodies.

I thought the rhyming was unnecessary.  But then that's just me.


wolfy09
Member
since 2008-06-10
Posts 93

2 posted 2009-12-28 02:53 AM


this was amazing.
Trapped - Nothing
Member
since 2010-04-25
Posts 52

3 posted 2010-04-26 11:07 AM


I like this line:  His gun flashed fire.

its amazing and wonderful.

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
4 posted 2010-04-26 05:04 PM


I would quit eating that chocolate and hot peppers before bed were I you.   You did a great job of creating the scene of depicting a violent act, with a clear consequence.  
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