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Dark Poetry #5
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Barron
Junior Member
since 2009-09-16
Posts 10
Ohio, US

0 posted 2009-10-05 07:52 PM


Surrounded by friends, but so alone
Can anyone see my problem, though unknown?
I start to think, and out I zone
Into abyss I fall, with it I have grown
So alone

I'm in a crowd, but I'm by myself
I can't just but the past on a shelf
I can't drown my problems with wealth
Nor can I hide them in fake stealth
So alone

Alone is all that I am
Alone, all I can say is d**n
Alone, when can I give the sign
Alone, I could only hope for the benign
So alone

Why do I feel this way
If I'm with people every day?
It's a feeling no longer ignored
Into my conscience loneliness has bored
So alone

It's eating away at my sanity
I've sundered myself from humanity
I'm being brought down by the gravity
That aches like a tooth with a cavity
So alone

I would do anything to have it known
My problem, has it not shone?
This despair, getting worse as I've grown
I'm tired of this, time to be alone
So, so alone

© Copyright 2009 Barron Chan - All Rights Reserved
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891
Neverland
1 posted 2009-10-13 09:21 PM


The third stanza was a bit rough but otherwise i like it. I find that I can really relate to a lot of what you are saying, and that's good.
I wouldn't really consider this dark but oh well!
...darn it..i was going to say something else but now i forget..
Well anyhoo, keep writing and I see that you're somewhat new here so Welcome to PIP!

I'll be reading more.

{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
...popsicle!

loveyourself102
Junior Member
since 2009-10-11
Posts 48

2 posted 2009-10-16 12:55 PM


a very real perspective on the true humans emotions well done u have just exposed everyones true feelings and i applauded u
Barron
Junior Member
since 2009-09-16
Posts 10
Ohio, US
3 posted 2009-10-18 02:37 PM


Thanks for the comments!

Since I'm relatively new here, I still don't have the strongest judgment on what fits in what forum, but since that's how I felt when I wrote it, I figured it would fit here alright.

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