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Def-init
Member
since 2008-12-03
Posts 186
Toronto, Canada

0 posted 2009-03-22 01:24 PM



Thoughts of despair.
Are you really there?
I hold my breath, maybe for too long
I don't fear death, am I too far gone?
I play songs,
though I am the only one here
Why does this feel like it’s the end!
A heart broken must mend
If we are nothing to no one,
Will action scream wisdom?
What will become of the soul
when it falls into a chasm
and hits the bottom?

In my world,
Aladdin doesn’t get Jasmine!
My life is torn into two.
part angle, part demon
half enlightened, half screamin'
The people beside me
fear the person inside me
I came to experience pain
If you’re blind at heart, it’s called shame
I feel the mundane and the magic
The soul's very fabric
a particle storm caused by the dramatic
Misery’s crown, a lesson in traumatic
The fact is I write the real
While most just act it.
I annihilate them,
I can't relate to them,
yet flow with the best of them,
hate even the man
that stands next to them.
But as I grow now.
Hate makes me alone now
Sorrow in the core
felt right in the bone now.
I want to leave my family behind
I picture my mother crying,
I deny it, but the love isn’t gone.
You feel it every time the sun rises at dawn
I am the spawn of two peoples love
yet, above all else I still feel withdrawn
Gotta remain strong, I have distorted eyes
so I keep my emotions trapped, once-upon-a-time.

- If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell -

© Copyright 2009 Brian M. Caouette - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2009-03-22 05:09 PM


"I have distorted eyes
so I keep my emotions trapped,"

a lot of good lines here~~

M

Eirian
Member
since 2009-04-13
Posts 70

2 posted 2009-04-14 01:51 AM


I really enjoyed this, losts of strong emotion there
prize
Member
since 2008-11-21
Posts 116

3 posted 2009-05-15 06:20 PM


I feel the mundane and the magic
The soul's very fabric
a particle storm caused by the dramatic
Misery’s crown, a lesson in traumatic
The fact is I write the real
While most just act it.

Def-init, Your poem is very melodic - just as I read your style in all of your poems...I love the lines above - they flow so well - I read these lines over a few times when I read this poem.  Very moving. P

Rocheal
Junior Member
since 2009-03-15
Posts 25

4 posted 2009-05-19 06:29 PM


Never fails. I love reading your writing...
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

5 posted 2009-05-20 11:17 PM


Yeah baby!  I love your rap-like writing style.  I keep wanting to try writing something like rap (I like the rhyming in a lot of rap songs) but I'm afraid you'd laugh at me  

I love how you turn despair and difficulty into the thing to be praised in this poem.  Your speaker's achievement is that he's endured a tonne of hardships and then produced some killer verse with them.

Def-init
Member
since 2008-12-03
Posts 186
Toronto, Canada
6 posted 2009-05-31 02:27 PM


Thx for the feedback all.
Hey fractal007, how yeah been man?

- If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell -

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