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Dark Poetry #5
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Suncleaver
Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481
Stafford England

0 posted 2009-02-24 04:30 PM


Through bloodied waters cold and deep
Where the dead tormented sleep,
In bitter watch of blackest night
I press on by candlelight.

Broken headstones engraved with strife
Shattered monuments of life
Lie testament to futile fates
And show men their doom awaits.

Open graves await the unborn,
Roses lie where lovers mourn,
I read the words: 'Death, cursed be'
'Leave the one I love, take me'.

Shades flicker through the chilling mist
Mourning soul mates they once kissed
And lay entwined with whilst alive,
Parted by the reaper's scythe.

A tomb looms of unyielding stone.
House of saintly ash and bone
Alone I kneel forlorn, bereft
'Give my lover back her breath!'


Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told.

© Copyright 2009 Luke Doubtfire - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois
1 posted 2009-02-24 05:10 PM


Chillingly good work you have here Luke.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member
since 2008-05-08
Posts 422
Canada
2 posted 2009-02-24 07:06 PM


wow Luke, this is absolutly amazing. i love it. great rhyming scheme.
library.

?ul!@nn@

these broken pieces of my heart are to shattered to be put back together again

SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
3 posted 2009-02-24 10:08 PM


the rhythm is fantastic
the flow is smooth...

very nice, enjoyed this very much

"I read the words: 'Death, cursed be'
'Leave the one I love, take me'"


Quail
New Member
since 2009-02-22
Posts 9

4 posted 2009-02-25 06:55 PM


Nice it has good feel to it and the whole thing flows very nicely, great!
RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia
5 posted 2009-02-28 09:36 PM


WOW.. I love this. Amazing write...
Eirian
Member
since 2009-04-13
Posts 70

6 posted 2009-04-14 02:12 AM


I can almost feel your pain.
Beautiful words.

Dog
Junior Member
since 2009-04-09
Posts 48
England
7 posted 2009-04-14 11:44 AM


wow that was a journey worth taking, darkness rife, regardless a great read and very well written.
JenniferMaxwell
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Member Elite
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423

8 posted 2009-04-16 02:46 PM


A very fine piece of writing! Your rhymes are not the least bit forced and it's easy to see with a little bit of work, meter would be easy for you. Just a suggestion - for a little help with meter check out the Poetry Workshop forum here on PiP. Balladeer posts exercises to work on and gives lots of pointers and wonderful advice. He's a master of the craft!
Rex
Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 482
Houston, Texas
9 posted 2009-04-19 02:49 PM


Enjoyed this very much as I have been where you are. Good work.
Def-init
Member
since 2008-12-03
Posts 186
Toronto, Canada
10 posted 2009-04-22 05:14 PM


"Open graves await the unborn,
Roses lie where lovers mourn,
I read the words: 'Death, cursed be'
'Leave the one I love, take me'.

Shades flicker through the chilling mist
Mourning soul mates they once kissed
And lay entwined with whilst alive,
Parted by the reaper's scythe."

Very chilling words indeed. A powerful read.
Very nice. It has been awhile since I have read anything by you Cleaver. I hope all is well on your end bro. Hope to read more from you in the future.

- If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell -

youhurtmeagain
New Member
since 2009-04-23
Posts 9

11 posted 2009-04-24 01:47 PM


I love it...

LaGraceLa
Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243
Minnesota, USA
12 posted 2011-02-21 09:37 PM


I had shivers up and down my arms and spine, amazing job. I love it.
incwrite
Member
since 2010-12-31
Posts 55
new york
13 posted 2011-02-22 06:48 AM


nice work..flows very smoothly
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