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Open Poetry #43
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'In the Quiet Desperation of Madness' & 'Bittersweet'
| Open Poetry #43 |
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'In the Quiet Desperation of Madness' & 'Bittersweet' |
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threadbear Senior Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 817Indy 
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"In the Quiet Desperation of Madness" the nurses were nurturing the patients were impatient. the visitors had visitations. Elizabeth carried a doll with her, everywhere, all the time even though she was 82. She groomed it, but never spoke to it. It could have been her daughter. Mary was 93 and watched Notre Dame games on the TV knew the players, knew the game couldn’t remember her nurse’s name. Diana was just old, no relatives, no connections except a connection to solitude They all lived under one roof, but they seldom talked to each other. Nodding acquaintances that ate together in polite silence or perhaps by this age, they’d just run out of things to say. Each peered warily out of their shower-curtain eyes certain there was some danger from within their minds searching clues for conspiracy which they saw in everything. Inside of them, behind their leaden lids were the true signs of madness: loneliness that came from not having a home or a partner to share a sunrise with. It was in this: the quiet desperation of madness that I came to gently know their world at my mom’s nursing home. -------------------------------- "Bittersweet" So small, yet it is a beacon focusing my thoughts and memories into a tiny, insignificant Christmas tree sitting humbly on the front edge of a small table. The corridor is quiet, the residents: taciturn most are waiting for the inevitable, and most are alone. Somehow the nurses are upbeat, friendly in this place that they call: the patients’ new home. Mom tried to last out until Christ’s birthday her Christmas tree cascading ceiling lights of different colors in a barely lit room. I’d never fully understood how such a joyous holiday could be sad memories for some until this season. Now, each tiny decorated tree, with all its hope shining from the branches, brings me, each time I see one, back to that frozen moment watching her go, watching her peaceful smile while she held my hand and barely had strength enough to turn her head and “It’s so pretty, son, so pretty.” as her voice trails off into foggy forever sleep 12/14/08 Jeff Feezle |
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| © Copyright 2008 Jeff Feezle - All Rights Reserved | |||
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amusemi Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262A State of Disarray |
I am so so sorry for your loss. May you find some peace and brightness this holiday season in spite of your tragedy... |
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threadbear Senior Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 817Indy |
Thanks so much, Amusemi! You are always so kind and thoughtful. It's been a year to the day, today. ~sigh~ Thought I'd be a bit less remorseful, but, to be truthful, the loss is persistent, like the feeling of hunger that never's quite sated. Thank you again, A, Jeff |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
A beautiful and tender write, Jeff. My condolences on your loss and may you be comforted by memories of her love for you. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
you describe that nether-world so well..."except a connection to solitude"...so powerful...so real...so touching |
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threadbear Senior Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 817Indy |
Aw, thanks, Jennifer, for the words of solace and the reading. Was awful nice of you. I needed that touch, just then. Stevenr, you are aces, my friend. You always spend so much time reading and responding, and just wanted to thank you for your contributions. Jeff |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Jeff, I saw. I heard. I felt. I smelled. And, I cried. Alison |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Beautiful pictures painted of the realities of life. Sometimes sad makes us so open and expressive. Show great heart in this! And, we all become human once again, no money, no career, no priorities, just a complete heartfelt connection to the one we love. Eric |
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threadbear Senior Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 817Indy |
O, Allison...surely I didn't mean to make you cry. Don't mean to spread my misery to others, but perhaps others have had similar times and can relate to what it was like. It is so important that folks spend as much time as they can with someone who is terminal. Your tender heart shows an angel's touch, Allison. Gosh, you are so right, Eric. I was very touched by the folks there. In a way, it's a Forgotten World. I have this very vivid memory of walking the corridor and seeing almost all of the residents, fully dressed - like they were going out, sitting on the edges of their beds...with nothing to do. Mary, 93, had outlived ALL of her children. It's truly astonishing how little we know of the world, until we are thrust into the sad corners of it. Thanks, all....you're all very sweet. Jeff |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
this is incredible but my favorite lines are "They all lived under one roof, but they seldom talked to each other. Nodding acquaintances that ate together in polite silence" "they’d just run out of things to say" i am sorry for your loss |
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threadbear Senior Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 817Indy |
Thanks Slick Ms.Lady! For all of us who are blessed with a loving partner, we should give great thanks. For all of those, like the elderly left alone, we shall pray that love will attach itself to your life again. Jeff |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
This is a sad but amazing write that I understand completely. Ida |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Jeff this was beautiful and touching, and yes it opened tear ducts. But not with sadness, but because of your tenderness and love. It shows in this poem and I felt it deep inside ...Thank you, "late" . |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Jeff, I, too, cried at the beauty, the sadness, the reality, but most of all at your exquisite compassion and your loss. - Owl (Diana!) |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
...can't add too much, and applause doesn't feel right here. This is a poignant glimpse of a grimly beautiful reality. My condolences. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Been there, Jeff, and you capture it in a frame of beauty, nostalgia, sadness and rememberance that does it justice. Shower curtain eyes could be the most perfectly descriptive phrase I've seen in a very long time. An excellent write, sir, |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
loss... no matter the circumstance...hurts unbearably, leaving us lonely and vulnerable. May you have peaceful memories of all the good times this holiday. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
I have read this each day as I browse through these pages. Each time, I shared those shower curtain eyes. How well you wrote this. No one can read it without feeling it deep within their bones. Thank you for sharing. I also have been there too many times "late" |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Love you Jeff, and have missed (both of) you... hope all is well... email me plzdntgo@aol.com I miss many of my "old friends"  M |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
Jeff that is a wonderful post, you could have been writing about my poor old Mum. She was also 93 when she said goodbye and I was sitting there holding her hand as she slipped slowly away. I gently kissed her, the most wonderful mother that there ever was and then I let the tears flow. I loved your poem Jeff. Take care. Lindsay |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I just want this right back at the top. I think that both poems are worth another read. Alison |
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