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Open Poetry #43
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2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea

0 posted 2008-12-13 04:16 AM


It is a Moroccan sky,
that I hit with my hands
as a Persian carpet
in the colours of blood…
Dust leaves as my memories,
blown off by the wind
as blue hurt clouds.
It is a Moroccan sky
that I keep in memory,
rose as your lipstick,
strange as my missing life.

[This message has been edited by 2islander2 (12-14-2008 04:49 AM).]

© Copyright 2008 yann rolland - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2008-12-13 06:18 AM


Dear Yann, you did a wondrous job with this one. I would like to read the French version too, in case you did this first in French.

Wonderful imagery and emotions!

Love,
Margherita

"Love is the One who masters all things;
I am mastered totally by Love."
(Rumi)

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
2 posted 2008-12-13 07:41 AM


Hi Margherita, thanks a lot for the kind comment, I give you the french version cause I wrote in french (not always) first,

C'est un ciel marocain
que je frappe de mes mains
comme un tapis persan
dans des couleurs de sang.


La poussière s'en va
comme mes souvenirs
expatriés par le vent
tels des nuages blessés.


C'est un ciel marocain
que je garde en mémoire,
rose comme ton rouge à lèvres
étrange comme ma vie.


Certains mots ne correspondent pas et je les ai rajouté dans le poème anglais. ou supprimés dans le poème français...

[This message has been edited by 2islander2 (12-13-2008 09:33 AM).]

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
3 posted 2008-12-13 07:57 AM


Absolutely beautiful.
Merci! The French version is...delicious!

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
4 posted 2008-12-13 10:47 AM


Both versions are lovely, Yann, but I love the French one best.

- Owl

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
5 posted 2008-12-13 11:12 AM


Thank you Midnitsun for the kind comment, I was at school and looking at the window I saw a wonderful rose sky that inspired me the first verse, at home I finished the poem...

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
6 posted 2008-12-13 11:14 AM


Thank you Owl, I was just thinking of you today, missing your comments and guess what....I wish you are fine with your new job.

yann

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
7 posted 2008-12-13 02:06 PM


enchanting and enticing poem
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

8 posted 2008-12-13 08:37 PM


Morocco...smile.

Thank you.

I need to put that on my list of places to see, through mine own eyes. I always feel a deja vu when I see pictures of it...

thank you!

steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

9 posted 2008-12-13 09:19 PM


such beautiful phrases that create such awe-inspiring images...your command of the English language is amazing...thank you for sharing
2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
10 posted 2008-12-14 04:50 AM


Thanks a lot Igoddess, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
11 posted 2008-12-14 04:52 AM


Hi serenity, you comment may be a sign that you can have something to do there, the country is wonderful and people amazing...Thank you for the kind comment.

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
12 posted 2008-12-14 04:53 AM


Thanks steavenr, I always appreciate your comments that are precious.

yann

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
13 posted 2008-12-14 06:23 AM


quote:
La poussière s'en va
comme mes souvenirs
expatriés par le vent
tels des nuages blessés.



Quelle image! J'aime bien ta version française, cher Yann!


2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
14 posted 2008-12-14 02:31 PM


Hi margherita en relisant ton commentaires j'écrirai plutot maintenant

bleus nuages blessés.

amitiés

yann

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