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Open Poetry #43

Sarai's Monologue

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

0 posted 2008-12-11 11:41 AM

I proffered Hagar to bear us a son
As I am far in age and could bear none;
I gave consent so Abram’d spill his seed,
I though his aim was but to spread our breed.
My man, long apathetic to my bed
With young fair maid fulfilled my dread;
Oh how he moaned, soon came and asked for more,
And how I wish I hadn’t listened at her door.
Today she owns both his first son and moans
While I am left alone, to tears and groans.
And now, whenever smiles adorn her face
I painfully recall my own disgrace;
I want to murder her, she cannot stay,
Out of my house, I must send her away.

**This is still at draught stage, but would love to have feedback on it. I wrote this as I began to work on a short play on how Sarai's jealousy chased Hagar away. I intended to write it in blank verse but when I realised I already had four couplets, I decided to keep writing likewise. Thanks for reading.

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-12-11 12:07 PM

Yo Marc-Andre,

With a little work this could be a proper Elizabethan sonnet.

Bobby

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

2 posted 2008-12-11 12:59 PM

Enjoy the read.

yann

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

3 posted 2008-12-11 02:25 PM

Many thanks for reading, Yann. And many thanks to Bobby for suggesting a sonnet, which will be posted shortly. Please let me know what you think. Have a wonderful day! Mark

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