Conversation about a girl - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Open Poetry #43

Conversation about a girl

kudanesh
Member

since 2007-12-01

Posts 135
Peterborough,England

0 posted 2008-11-30 12:36 PM

Poets spend most their days
Describing things in fancy ways.
But one day I came to find,
All my thoughts have left my mind.

A poet who is lost for words,
Don’t be silly, how absurd.
A thoughtless mind, oh how bliss,
How on earth did you manage this?

Well on a wonder I saw a girl,
With a summer smile and springing curls
Then the next day I tried to right,
I sat up dazed all through the night.

Oh by Jove, now I see,
Another flower attracts a bee.
Does this beauty include her mind?
Or is that something you’re yet to find.

Well my friend we’ll never know,
I fear her smile will fade and go.
Let her beauty be a reserve
For a smile I feel I don’t disserve

Well young sir I hope you’re right,
For the sake of yet more sleepless nights.
If a Bee likes a flower he should all ways try
And not stop to think for reasons why

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-11-30 01:19 PM

Yo Kudanesh,

The thought behind this is fine. Remember, poetry does not have to rhyme. I'd smooth this out, and try for simplicity.

Bobby

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2008-11-30 02:24 PM

quote:
Then the next day I tried to write,
I sat up dazed all through the night.

Some girls can surely cause some sleepless nights!

Glad to see you are back and with such a lovely "conversation about a girl".

And remember: you DO deserve her lovely smile!

Love,
Margherita

"Love is the One who masters all things;
I am mastered totally by Love."
(Rumi)

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2008-11-30 05:31 PM

I enjoyed this precious, poetic conversation about a girl!
It would appear that the flower has inspired a bee-autiful poem!

Someone who can write so sweetly and tenderly is most assuredly worthy of her smile ~ and more! lol

kudanesh
Member

since 2007-12-01

Posts 135
Peterborough,England

4 posted 2008-11-30 09:27 PM

thank you for all your kind words nice to see you all again

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.